Elizabeth

 John reminded me that I have neglected my blog and haven't posted about Elizabeth's birth.  Here she is, isn't she just darling?  Elizabeth was born on the 16 of December, Jane Austin's birthday, I think it only fitting my girl should be born on my favorite author's birthday.  :)  I just can't get enough of her!  She is so sweet, so calm, and just perfect.  I love how she opens her mouth like she is going to really scream and then lets out a little squeak instead.  I love how she cuddles up to me when I lay down with her and how she sighs so sweetly when I pick her up.  Elizabeth is such a joy!
I'm really enjoying the fact that I am no longer pregnant.  Man!  That was one tough pregnancy.  I had people tell me not to be in a hurry, babies are easier inside, but they didn't know how miserable I was.  I'm tired now, waking up every two hours has that effect, but I have more energy, I don't hurt all the time, and I can eat food without being sick for days.  I can wrestle with my boys, climb, run, pick stuff up, clean...I fell amazing.  Everyone keeps telling me to take it easy and rest, but I just spent the last nine months resting, I'm ready to play, work and head back to the gym.
Life is wonderful, my husband has a week off school, I have my darling little girl, and I feel great!  Have a happy new year friends!

Hard lessons

So here I am, still pregnant.  I was really hoping to have this baby a couple days ago.  Every night I expect to go into labor and...nothing.  I'm not over my due date yet, thank goodness, but I'm to the point where I thought it would be over.  Have I ever actually looked forward to a stay in the hospital before?
However, I feel like I have learned a lot over the past months.  Suffice to say this pregnancy has been the hardest so far, not that I have vast experience or anything.  :)  I have been extremely sick, I have been weak and in pain most of the time, and I have even been on and off bed rest a few times.  It's been hard for all of us, but as I look back I can see that we have all learned tons.  The boys have learned to play well on their own, they have learned to be more sensitive to how I am feeling and they can tell when I am in a lot of pain or feeling really sick.  They have become more helpful and kind.  John has learned how important it is for him to help out.  Without his hep the house would always be a disaster, instead of just most of the time, the kids and I would drive each other crazy, and I would be even more sick and in even more pain.  The first few times I was put on bed rest and he had to do everything I could tell it really bugged him and that made it even more difficult for me.  I felt guilty, like I should be doing more, but I just couldn't.  Over the last few months though I have seen John pick up the slack, and there is plenty to pick up around here, and he hasn't complained or been bothered by it.  We have learned to work together.  There are less feeling of "that's your job and this is my job"   we just do what needs doing.  He has been such an angel when it comes to diapers, dishes, laundry, putting kids to bed, forcing me to rest when I need to, and massaging my sore back, feet, and legs.  He treats me like a princess and he enjoys it!
I have learned a lot as well.  Many of them have been hard lessons to learn, but I feel like I have learned at least a little.  I have learned to be less selfish.  When I am sick and in pain I can still read a book or cuddle with my boys.  I have slowly learned that I can still be kind and patient when I feel horrible.  I have learned to appreciate the times I feel good and take advantage of them and to also work, and smile, through the bad days.  I have learned to prioritize.  Instead of cleaning the whole house I pick one job in each room to focus on, and sometimes the dishes sit in the sink while I spend time with my kids.  This has been one of the hardest lessons to learn.  The other hard lesson I learned just yesterday.  Patience, not with my kids or myself, but with this baby.  We have all been waiting so long for her to come, and we are all so anxious for her that it's been hard to wait the last few weeks.I was trying everything to try to get myself to go into labor.  Then Saturday night I prayed and talked to Heavenly Father about how I was feeling and I felt and great sense of peace and the feeling that I shouldn't worry about when she comes.  This morning I wasn't disappointed to wake up at home yet again.  We are all still very excited to meet her, but we can wait until she is ready.
This is one of those rare occasions when I feel like I have learned what the Lord wanted me to learn from a trial while in the midst of the trail instead of after the fact.  I am very grateful for this.  I feel like I can learn more when I am in the thick of things then when I am looking back.

Snow days

 Normally I'm not a big fan of the snow.  It's pretty and all, but it's so cold, it takes longer to get ready, clean the car, driving gets scary, and people get sick when it's cold.
Today I am grateful for the snow.  Everything is better with kids. It's magic.  My boys have been looking forward to the snow as much as I have been dreading it.  The first snow storm I stayed inside warm and cozy, but there was no way I was missing this one.  It was perfect.  Perfect sledding, skiing, snow man building, fort making, snow ball throwing perfect.  Se we bundled up...except me who can't fit in anything any more (I got cold and wimped out way before they did)  Anyway, I bundled them up so we could play out there for a while.  We ended up spending the next hour having snow ball fights, making snow angels, and eating snow.  Then Josh, Glen's best friend,  had the idea to us the hill on the side of the house as a sledding hill.  Most of the hour was spent sledding.  It was perfect because it didn't take forever to get to the top, but it was still long enough to enjoy.

So today I am grateful for the snow, warm clothes so we could play so long, perfect packing snow, fun neighbor kids to share in the fun and come up with good ideas, and hot cocoa to warm us up after all that cold fun.  Oh yeah, and lets not forget the kids. I am grateful for my boys today, without them I would not have gone out in the snow, I would have stayed inside warm and cozy with a book.  I am grateful that they remind me how much fun life can be.  They force me out of my bubble and into a fun filled, magical place called childhood. 

Cakes

 Today I am grateful for all of the gifts that help me to decorate cakes.  I'm not a professional, but I am getting much better, and I have taught myself just about everything.  The first cake I decorated, a set of legos, had me in tears and vowing never to touch cake or frosting again.  I didn't give up though.  Through determination, trial and error, a bit of stubbornness  and a lot of prayer I have kept at it for years.
Originally I started because I wanted to have the ability to make cool cakes for my kids so they would want mine over store bought cakes.  It evolved into a bigger thing though.  Today I made these two for the Deaf school to auction off at a fundraiser. I love the Deaf community so much and I am very grateful today for the skill to decorate cakes people will pay for.  It's a fundraiser, people would pay anyway, but maybe these two will bring in a little extra to help the school.

Sleep

Today I am grateful for sleep.  And I'm not just saying that because I am tired...well, maybe just a little.  I am grateful for sleep because it helps to heal my body, keeps my kids cheerful, gives me a break at night, and it gives me a chance to start over the next day.  THere is something to be said for pretending to sleep to start the day over, but nothing beats actually starting the day over for real.  And naps, oh I love naps.  I love it when kids nap, they are so cute.  I can be thinking one minute what monsters my kids can be sometimes, but without fail they always turn back into angels when they sleep.  And the best?  The best is when a newborn baby falls asleep in your arms or on your chest.  I would do anything to avoid moving when that happened. I didn't want to spoil the moment.  There is nothing better then cuddling a little piece of heaven in your arms, watching that sweet angel sleep.
Oh sleep, my slightly elusive friend, I still love you.

Moroni's mother

After seeing the election results I just have to post again.  I have to admit that it's more then a dislike or disagreement with the current president.  I fear, really truly fear, for my country and for my family under his leadership.  I can see through his lies, and I see where he is leading us.  I believe he is leading us to destruction.  As I look around me and see a world that is becoming increasingly evil, I am grateful for the peace of the gospel, the guidance of living prophets, and the truth in the Book of Mormon.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about Moroni's mother.  Moroni lived in a time when the world around him was full of wickedness.  He and his family were some of the last righteous Nephites before they were all destroyed by the Lamanites.  When I think of Moroni, I think of his mother.  She is never once mentioned in the Book of Mormon as far as I know, but I know she must have been valiant and righteous. I'm sure that it was her influence and her teachings that prepared her son.  I bet his father, Mormon, was off fighting in battles a lot, leaving mom to do most of the teaching.  Her influence must have been great.
We do not yet live in a time as sinful and wicked and Moroni, I doubt I will ever have to witness the destruction of all that I love.  I have more to work with here, I have a ward family, a neighborhood full or people who hold my same values, friends, family, a strong church to turn to. Yes I am afraid, who wouldn't be afraid at the though of her children suffering under the wickedness of others?  But I know that if Moroni's mother could raise such a righteous son in a time of so much wickedness, then I can protect my children and bring up on the path of the Lord in this time.

Right to vote

Today I am grateful for the right to vote.  I hate politics like you would not believe, well, maybe you would, I'm sure I'm not alone in this.  I try to stay updated and informed, but I hate every minute of it.  I don't like the adds, or debates, or well, any of it really.  But despite my huge dislike of all this political, I am very grateful for the ability to vote.  I worry about my country.  I worry about how the economy is, the laws that are made, the freedoms that I see disappearing, and the lack of patriotism.  I am grateful that I have a voice to express my worry, an opportunity to change it.  Sitting around complaining won't make the changes happen that I want to see, but voting will, being involved will.  I will not stand idly by and watch the sate of my country deteriorate, I will use my voice.

I am also extremely grateful that today marks the end of the avalanche of politics we have seen over the last 6+ months.  I have become thoroughly sick of politics by now and I am so glad it's going to be over soon.  This seems like a lot of complaining for a gratitude post, but I just voted, that means I get to complain, right?  :)

Cute

Today I am grateful for cute things.  Yesterday I was so grumpy and so tired.  I was in a REALLY bad mood.  But then I saw this cute little baby alpaca and it all changed.  I squeaked and squealed  until my husband thought something might be wrong.  :)  Then I was reading and it's from a page called "My voice changes when I see cute"  and I laughed so hard because my voiced basically left what humans can hear and all the dogs went crazy.

Then today I was feeling really tired and not grumpy exactly, but not happy.  I sorted through some little girl clothes and they were so cute!  It totally cheered me up.  What is it about cute animals and little girl clothes that makes me cheerful and gives me a boost of energy?  Can I harness this somehow?

Help

Today I am thankful for help.  Benjamin was up for 2 hours playing, then it took me 45 minutes to get him back to sleep once I figured it out, I also had to get up to help Glen after he had a nightmare. Add that to getting up 5 times to use the bathroom and not sleeping well since I'm as big as a whale and let's just say I am one seriously tired mamma.  Tired to the point of tears.  Tired past my ability to function well.  Too tired to read...well, maybe not  that tired.
So my ever helpful neighbors offered to feed my kids dinner, I may be too tired to eat, then asked my babysit their son while they went to the temple.  Their son is 10, and my kids hero worship him.  Babysitting him really translates into be there if there is an emergency and he will baby sit your kids while you rest.  Would I do it?  YES!!!
This kid is so good with my children, he is always willing to help, always willing to baby sit so I can shower, take a nap, take a break, clean, whatever I need he is there to help.  I'm on the verge of hero worship myself.
So today, and forever I will be grateful for the hero who always help me, entertains my kids, gives me hugs, and is one of the sweetest people to have ever walked the Earth. Yep, pretty darn close to hero worship here.  :)

Date Night

Today I am very grateful for date night.  With John going to school full time and working I don't get to see very much of him.  He leaves before I wake up 3 or mare days a weeks, and about 5 days a week he doesn't come back until I am sleeping.  It's been tough, especially with this pregnancy being so difficult for me, but he does what needs to be done.  He works hard for us.  Still, I don't get to see him very much and when I do, sometimes he is doing homework so we don't interact much.  That is why I am so grateful for regular date nights.  I have been blessed with a visit teaching companion who will baby sit every week, so every week I get a couple hours just the two of us.  A few hours to talk, bond, hug, and spend time together with no other distractions. I feel like on date night I don't have to worry about anything else.  We don't talk about a dirty house, or kids, or work.  Just our day, maybe a little venting of frustrations  cute things that happened, only stuff we want.  It fells like I am in my own little world with him.
And to tell you the truth, I really need those few hours every week.  I kinda start going stir crazy without them.  Tonight I was so exhausted physically and mentally that I could hardly talk to John at all.  So he started telling me about his day and before long I was more animated, I joined in, and we were having fun.  That's how it happens every week.  One of us is really tired, or grumpy, or distracted, but before long we are laughing and talking together.
Yes, I am definitely very grateful for date night.

X-Rays

I thought I would do the same thing this month that I did last month and blog every day about something I am grateful for.  It will give me a good perspective.  Oddly enough I find it hard to find something to blog about.  It's not that I do not have a lot to be grateful for, I feel so blessed, it's just that there is SO MUCH to be grateful for I have a hard time choosing.
Today I chose X-Rays.  11 Days ago Benjamin got hurt jumping on the trampoline.  He was up and moving pretty soon afterwards, only favoring his leg a little, so I didn't think too much about it.  But yesterday I noticed he was running a little funny and when we went out rick or treating he wouldn't run at all and he didn't want to walk.  He kept telling me his knew hurt.  I couldn't remember how long it had been since he got hurt, but I knew it was long enough that it shouldn't hurt still.  Then I remembered the day and it was 10 days ago! (yesterday)  So I took him in to the Dr. and she was worried he may have done something to the bone and ordered an X-ray.  The X-ray confirmed that he had not damaged the bones, which is a relief  and so he must have sprained it or something and that is why it's taken so long healing.  I wasn't super worried, because he was still running and playing, but I was a little worried that it still hurt him after so long.  I am grateful that technology like X-rays is available to me.  I am grateful to have proof that he is ok and hasn't done any permanent damage.  And I am grateful for a cute little picture of his bones that set my mind at ease.

Taking off the mask

Do you ever feel like your wearing a mask, like people expect you to be happy ALL the time?  I used to feel like that, I guess I still do sometimes.  Over the summer though, I learned something amazing!  I was asked to go to girls camp to interpret for a Deaf girl and I am so glad I did, because not only did I have tons of fun, but I learned so much!
What I have been thinking a lot about lately, today especially  is feelings.  I think there is a general idea that we always need to be happy and smiling.  Last week I was so tired, and so pregnancy sick that I was barely functioning.  Then I was given a 45 minute lecture, by a sweet well intentioned woman, about not smiling enough.  She told me that others will be more happy to serve me when I need it if I am smiling and that if I am frowning I can't see the Lord's hand in my life or feel his blessings.  Maybe she is right, I'm not sure.  I know that that day even though I was feeling so sick and so tired I still felt grateful for my family, my kids, my friends, the Gospel, my testimony, and my Savior.  And those are just the things I can remember from a week ago.
So here is my whole point in posting.  At this girls camp the Stake leaders had a class where they talked about Christ and all the feeling he had.  They used scriptural references and everything to show the girls that he felt sad, angry, and hurt at times.  They explained that because he was sinless and perfect in all he did those feelings were also perfect.  It's ok to feel sad, hurt, or angry, as long as we are still trying to become better people and using those feelings to help and not hurt.
I am so grateful for that lesson they taught.  I'm grateful to know that being sad is ok.  I don't want to feel like I have to always be smiling, to me that is a lie.  I do try to exert myself and be happy even when I don't feel like it, and I try to put a good face on things, but there are just times when life is hard and I am going to cry and be sad.  To me it's honest to show how I feel, to still be kind and act appropriately  but to still be able to show how I feel.  I don't know, maybe some people really are happy all the time, but I'm not so I am glad for the lesson I learned at girls camp.

Big helpers

 I realized it's been a week since I last posted, and it wasn't the most cheerful, was it?  Well a lot has happened in the last two weeks.  Benjamin had a birthday, I'll try to post about that tomorrow or the next day, and Glen has reached a new stage of development and loves to help me.
Benjamin loves to help with chores and cleaning, they are both excellent little cleaners when they are in a good mood.  In fact, if I can toot my mommy horn for a second here, I had a lady compliment me on how well behaved and what good cleaners they are.  A man in our ward has cancer and the ward wanted to finish renovating their kitchen  a project he started before being diagnosed.  Once the men had done their part with the fixing stuff, the women went over to clean.  I took my boys with me and when I walked in the door this lady said she thought "Oh great.  The last thing we need is a couple boys making trouble."  But then she went on to tell me how pleased she was because they got right down to work and scrubbed floored, washed windows, and cleaned the fire place   They cleaned for an hour until the work was done.  That just made my little heart so happy. I tell John "If the laundry is in the wrong spot, or unfolded, it is because Benjamin decided he was going to put it all away by himself.  And they both love doing the dishes!
So anyway, this pregnancy had been extremely difficult for me.  I have been off and on partial bed rest and I have been so sick very often.  There are hardly any chores I can do without help and I have been in a lot of pain.  But my sweet boys have been s helpful, especially Glen.  He can tell when I am in pain or not feeling well and he always prays for me and makes such an effort to help out.  He will support me when I walk, run and grab things for me, make lunch or dinner, he is so gentle, and he helps Benjamin too.  He has such a compassionate spirit!
Despite the times when I wonder if Gypsies still buy children, I love these sweet boys so much.  Benjamin and I were having issues this morning, but we pretended to go to sleep and we both started over and the rest of the day went well.  He was cheerful and helpful.  He put away the dishes (I think they like that they get to climb on the counters.) :)  and he even took a nap.  No, despite those tough times I could never bee without my boys.  They mean too much to me.  I just need to remember that when the going gets tough.

Child for sale

Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder if you really can sell your children to the gypsies, or maybe on ebay?  I'm having one of those nights.  It's like they can tell when I feel sick and am really tired and they decide it's a good time to really push the limits.  "How far can we go before mom really loses it?"  Rawr!  So frustrated!
They are idle threats, and I stop trying to sell them after they fall asleep, but right now...right now I am just shaking my head and deciding to ignore them.  They will fall asleep eventually, right?  If not John will be home to relieve me. *Sigh*  This is one of those time when I tell John when he gets home "I want you to go in there, and kill the boys."  Bill Cosby, enough said.  Haha, ya, watching that cheered me up.  But I'm still shaking me head at my own children.
Oh well, I'd miss them before too long so I guess I agree with John when he tells me I can't sell them or kill them.  Can I at least use duct tape?  :)

Geek!

In our house being called a geek is the utmost compliment, geeks rule the world. So here are our two little geeks in training, our geeklings. Aren't these pictures hilarious? I have ninja costumes for Halloween (I bought them last October when they went on sale) But I am thinking we should ditch the ninjas and go geek, what do you think?

Please pray for her!

Dear friends, can you please do me a huge favor?  My good friend is close to losing her baby   (it would be her 5th in a row)  would you please pray extra hard for her even if you do not know her?  I so want to get her baby here safe and sound. Thank you!

Telling a 4 year old about 9-11

Today as I drove Glen home from school I realized that tomorrow is the 11th anniversary of September 11, 2001, a tragic day.  I want to teach my kids about 9-11, but I wasn't sure how.  So I asked for the advice of some good friends and come up with a plan.
First I am going to check out a book about 9-11 from the children's section.  Then I will sit down and read it to my kids or tell them about the pictures in an age appropriate manner.  I will tell them about that day basically like this:  "One morning some bad guys stole planes and crashed them into buildings and killed people because they didn't like America.  And some firefighters were trying to help and they died, that is what fire fighters do right?  They try to save people.  And then America went to war with the country that sent the bad guys to protect us.  Heavenly Father tells us it's ok to go to war if we are protecting our families,  our lives or our freedoms, and that is what the army does.  That is why they are so important and they are heroes, and so are the fire fighters and policemen that helped out the hurt people."
Benjamin is not yet 3 and probably wont get much of what I say, and maybe Glen won't either, but I really want them to know and understand.  My hope is that telling my kids about hard things in a place where they feel safe and loved will be easier then keeping it from them until they are older, when some people say they are ready.  I think that the earlier kids know about hard stuff and how to cope with it the better they will be bale to cope with hard things when they are older.  I think that right now they will cope on one level and next year when thy are a little more matured their understanding of events will have matured, but so will their ability to cope.  I also think that there is an answer to every question no matter how small a child is.  When Glen asked where babies come from at 3 I didn't give him the birds and the bees talk, I told him Heavenly Father sends them to mommies and daddies.  Now that he is older and I am pregnant he understands that babies come from mommies tummy.  You get the picture.  His understanding now is different then it will be when he is 13, but he still needs to understand at a certain level.
It is important to me that my children are not kept from hard things.  Hard things like death, bullies, bad guys, and pain are a part of life.  They are a part of life now, not just when my kids are older.  So why not bring up the hard stuff in a safe place where they can learn that even though life is hard, home is safe and Heavenly Father will protect them.  As in all that I do as a mother I try to follow the spirit and teach them in a way that would please my Father in Heaven.  I want them to learn to rely on him in all they do.  When grandma's dog died, when Great Grandma died, when friends don't want to play, bad dreams wake them up, in everything I know they can rely on God and I am trying to teach them this, even if it means talking about tough stuff.

So Blessed

Today during church as I tried to get two little, energy filled boys to sit still and be reverent instead of playing, laughing, or running up to daddy who was helping pass the sacrament I started to feel a little frazzled.  I mean that tough stuff.  But at some point they both calmed down and sat quietly next to me, one on each side.  As I sat there holding my boys I suddenly felt so full of love, so very blessed.  I felt like my blessing were overflowing.  Maybe it's because they were finally settled down and quiet, maybe it was the spirit of the meeting, or maybe it was Heavenly Father reminding me to slow down and enjoy them.  Maybe it was all of it.
And so I sat there and just enjoyed the moment.  Lately I have been so busy, running form one place tot he next.  Trying to can, get Glen to school, keep the house clean, have good quality learning time with both kids, bake, serve,...the list is endless really.  I just wanted to enjoy this moment.  I wanted to hug them and kiss their heads and just enjoy how blessed I am.  With one boy on each side and a little one in the middle (sort of :) I just wanted to enjoy it, so I did.  And then it was back to tying to keep the calm and quiet.
Well, as I sat here a minute ago thinking of all the things I have to do tomorrow, finish canning the peaches, clean the house, take Glen to and from school, learning time, make dinner for my neighbor, and finish decorating the cupcakes..I'm sure there is more, I realized I just can't do it all.  I have been so busy that I have not taken the time to enjoy my life, my sweet boys, or see how blessed I am.  I prioritized, and I hope I did it right.  Some things are good, and some things are better.  I have to make sure I have not filled my time with so many good things that I am leaving out the best things.  With soccer starting soon that is one more thing, then a new baby, then I need to start volunteering in Glen's class.  Some of these things are going to have to take a back seat so I can enjoy my life and my boys.  I realized I have stopped reading them stories and playing with them.  How could I let that happen, how could I let myself get so busy that I stopped giving them the time and attention they need?
I am so grateful for that moment in church today when Heavenly Father reminded me to slow down and take the time to love them.  Formal learning time has taken a back seat, but at least now I will have time to teach them about love, and service, and the Spirit.  I truly am so blessed, and I do not want to be so busy that I fail to see all my blessings, especially my two biggest little blessings.  My sweet boys.

Challa!

 Here is the thing, bread is kind of my worst enemy. We are becoming friends, but there are a lot of problems to get over first.  We are getting there, and some day, we will be best friends.  Right now I have made friends with Baguettes, french bread, and now challah.  What is challah?  Well first off I think it's most popular as a Jewish bread.  The straight Challah, below, is eaten year 'round, mostly on the Jewish Sabbath.  The round challah over there has raisins added to it and is mostly eaten on New Years and other special holidays.  It's also know as egg bread because it uses so many eggs, and also has an egg wash over the top for a thin crunchy crust. However, I came across challah in my search for Polish food that didn't involve meat or blood pudding.  :P
My ward was putting on a party where we were supposed to dress in clothes of our heritage, and bring traditional native foods.  As I started thinking of what to make I was trying to decide between Polish food and Jewish food.  My ancestors are Polish Jews, see?  I decided on Polish since I haven't ever made any polish food before, but I have done Jewish food.  All the recipes I found had tons of grease, and meat, and blood.  :P  I'm not vegan or anything, but blood pudding just makes me sick to think about, and making sausage for a large group, like 40-50 people, would be a lot of money.  Then I wound this bread and thought it looked fun.  As I researched the bread I found out it's a Jewish tradition and there you go, perfect, a Polish, Jewish bread.  It took me most of the day to make, mostly because I had so many other things happen, a few emergencies here and there and the bread was put in the fridge til I could get to it again.  The recipe I found on http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2008/09/best-challah-egg-bread/ had really great directions for making the bread, but I was super confused about the braiding part, I've never been good at braiding, so I made up my own braid.  I think it turned out pretty well.
I had TONS of compliments on the bread.  It really is a very pretty bread, it's not too hard to make and it only takes about 3-4 hours, as long as you don't have emergencies to take care of.  :)  The taste was also excellent!  It even passes the picky little brother test.  :)  Give it a try if your feeling adventurous, you will be glad you did.

Glen's first day of school

Glen's "excited for school" dance

 Glen has wanted to go to school for over a year now.  It was the only thing that got him potty trained.  He just didn't want to do it, wearing diapers was convenient for him and he didn't mind, but when I told him he couldn't go to school unless he was potty trained he did it.  That very day he decided he was going to be potty trained and there was no looking back.  It still took a few weeks, but potty training is so much easier when the kids actually want to do it.  Anyway, since I had promised him he could go we signed him up for pre-school.  I've had some people give me grief over this decision, because once you have kids it's the whole worlds job to tell you how to parent, right?  :)  But all that put aside we decided it was good for Glen to go.  We knew he likely would not learn much academically, but he needs friends.  He is such a social child.  Benjamin is content to play on his own, but Glen NEEDS playmates, so we sent him for friends.  But we also sent him so he could learn important skills like working with a group, following instructions from other adults, and all that fun stuff that kids secretly learn in school.
We met Glen's teachers on Wednesday, and his first day was on Thursday.  Embarrassingly I had been told the wrong time and so I picked Glen up 1/2 hour late Thursday.  Can I please have my parent of the year award now?  I was early on Friday and Glen was so mad that he did not get to stay late again like he did his first day and told me he "would appreciate it" if I would not pick him up so early next time. Hehe  He is having so much fun, making a lot of friends, and he loves his teachers.  There were no tears on either side, I had mourned earlier.  :)  Besides, how could I be sad seeing how excited he was and how much fun he was having?  Benjamin is sad he doesn't get to go to school.  We are working on making it a special time for him to have Glen in school, just you and me time.  And next year it will be Benjamin's turn, and I will have just you and me time with this new little one.  Sometimes I feel sad seeing them grow up so fast, it makes me want to sry, but most of the time I am too busy being proud and amazed to feel sad.

Family pictures

Are these guys the cutest boys or what?

I love this picture because Benjamin had just picked that flower for me and he refused to take any pictures until he gave it to me and he wanted me to hold it in the picture.

This one is just so precious.

I now, there is a building in the background, but what do you do?  Taking family pictures was kind of a last minute, let's do it now thing and we didn't want to go very far.  We have been trying to get family pictures taken for about a year.  For some reason I have been thinking that we do not have a more current picture then Glen's 2nd birthday before Benjamin was even born, but now that i think about it I am pretty sure we have 2 more current pictures.  The problem is I never print them off and hang them up so I forget.  :)  Oh well, there is something about being pregnant that makes my family, and apparently me, need to take a family picture.  In every family picture from the Hansen side at least one, usually to people are pregnant.  So during the last picture all the women were saying how this is the first time that none of us are pregnant.  We announced about an hour later that we were expecting.  :)  That still makes me laugh.  Anyway, so here is my cute family picture, very soon to be outdated again.  But once this cute little girl come along I am more then happy to take another one, as long as I get plenty of just her!

Bucket list

I Was listening to day to a song called "If I only had today" by Hilary Weeks.  It got me thinking about bucket lists, you know the list some people make of things they want to do before they die?  I was thinking, "What would be on my bucket list?"  If I found out I only had a little while to live, what would I do?  I wouldn't go sky diving, or climb a mountain, I wouldn't go bungee jumping off some big bridge.  If I only had a week to live I would...Take my kids to the library for hours and read them EVERY book they brought me.  I would sing songs until my throat hurt then keep singing.  I would have my kids sleep in bed with us so I could cuddle with everyone, but I wouldn't sleep, I would stay awake watching them and thinking how much I love them.  I would wrestle, even if I got hurt.  I would hold hands more, jump in mud puddles, pay attention to the ants and bug.  I'd stop saying "Just a second" and do it now.  I would write a letter to everyone in my family telling them how much I love them and reminding them we have eternity together.  I would cherish every memory, every smile, every hug.  I would cuddle more, and be patient.

I try so hard to live every day like this, but it's hard sometimes to remember.  I listen to the song every day if I can, to help remind me how precious time is.  Even if I have 60 more years to live my kids won't be little forever, this phase is going to fly by.  I want to hold on.  I wish I could hold onto every sweet memory we make together.  

This is probably not the best time for such sentimental thoughts. Every time I hear that song I cry.  I want to just go hug my husband and kids.  And even though it scares me, thinking it might end, I am grateful for the reminder to make every minute count.  To make sure my family knows how much I love and cherish them.  To take the time for what is really important.  I want to live my bucket list every day.

Hanging up the cape for now

So I had a moment of panic a few days ago.  More then a moment really.  For days I had been so exhausted all the time, I was really sick to my stomach most of the day, dizzy, head aches, and very weak.  I had been having cramps for a few days and I felt like something was wrong.  I was worried about the baby so I called my midwife Monday.  She put me on bed rest for a few days and told me to call her back Wednesday.  After resting for a few days I felt much better, but I noticed that when I did too much, like a load of dishes, I started having headaches, stomachaches, and cramping again.  So I have to resat often, try to get a nap in every day, and stop trying to be super mom.  After talking to my midwife today she isn't worried anymore, but told me to take it as easy as I can and find help where I can.  That shouldn't be too hard with such a great support system.  It's frustrating not being bale to do everything, but at least it's not bed rest, that would drive me crazy, and at least the concerns are gone!

Back yard camp out

Glen roasted his own hot dog

Benjamin's first taste of marshmallows

This evening Glen was getting bored and looking for something to do So I  asked him to help me with a project outside.  At first I had just planned on having him help me hammer some nails into a board, maybe bring out my drill or something, but then I thought of a camp out.  We brought out the mini grill and filled it with bricketts and wood to get a nice fire going.  We found hot dogs, marshmallows, and gummy bears, yup gummy bears.  I'm basically addicted to the things so I brought some out and roasted them instead of marshmallows.

Glen's 3rd marshmallow? ( He lost count. :)

I roasted gummy bears, YUM!

For a last minute thrown together thing it went off well and was a lot of fun.  We invited to family upstairs, grabbed camp chairs, a tent and sleeping bags, and got a nice fire going.  Some of the marshmallows were pink, but hey, we had some.  After eating our fill of hot dogs and marshmallows (and gummy bears)  we set up the tent and put out the sleeping bags.  Glen was so excited to sleep in his blue sleeping bag with his special blue pillow (Thanks for those mom)  Then we cleaned up and came inside while the older kids were at boy scouts and young women's.  Now the kids are out there sleeping. Well...sort of.  Benjamin had to come in because he kept getting out of the tent to sleep inside then changing his mind.  Glen just came in for a bathroom break and I can still hear talking, but I am sure they will all fall asleep eventually.  I'll be surprised if Glen sleeps out there the whole night, we'll see.

Hot dogs and marshmallows for John and Jacob

The kids are getting the tent ready to sleep in when it gets dark.

I'm not super mom, I'm sleeping in my own bed, but I sure try.  Sometimes I wonder if my kids will look back on their childhood with tons of great memories or if they will remember the time I got mad and yelled, all the times I told them, "Not now I'm not feeling well."  and all the mistakes I made.  At least for tonight I am a great mom, I'd say a super hero, but I think Glen has too much hero worship going on with Josh to remember that I'm even here.  :)  I think the bacon, eggs, and pancakes will help him remember tomorrow morning. =D

Missionary letters

Dear Uncle Walter,

What do you think about me going on a mission?  I don't want to go because it's hard, but God tells me it is good.  I love you always, Uncle Walter.  I miss you and hope you come back soon.  I wish you would come to our house.

I love you,

Dear Glen,
I want you to go on a mission!  It's hard, but so fun, and makes you happier than you can imagine!  You also learn a lot while having fun!  You also learn how to love and feel love from your Heavenly Father so much more!  I don't want to go home yet!  I love this place and this people too much!  My district leader tells me that I am too sincere in my teaching because I really care about these people out here, and want to bring many smiles to their faces. :) You get to show lots of love out here in your own way.  The Lord wants you to go on a mission because it will be better for your life than anything!  I do miss you very much, and maybe I will 'tract' into your house one day in not too long. :)
                      Sincerely your loving uncle,

Uncle Elder Hansen

 Dear Uncle Walter,

I love you.  Thank you.  I want to go on a mission because I love people. And I love you.  It's hard, but good. -Glen

This is what passed between Glen and his Uncle Walter who is on a mission.  Glen told me Sunday he didn't want to go on a mission because it was hard and immediately insisted I right to Uncle Walter to ask him what he thinks about it. I am so grateful that John's brother was so willing and prompt with his response.  I am grateful he is such a loving uncle!  As you can see Glen has changed his mind. I know it's way too early to be thinking about it, but Glen worries about big things and he doesn't stop worrying until he feels they have been resolved.  Now he isn't worrying any more.  I am going to print these letters off and keep them safe so Glen can read them again when he is older.

Peace

Ya know that feeling you get when you know your doing something right?  Something hard, but most definitely right?  I have had that all yesterday and all today.  It's a wonderful feeling of peace and joy.  I love this feeling, I love knowing that I am doing what is right even when it's hard, get to the point, right?  OK.
I have mostly stopped doing Mary Kay.  It's not because it was hard, hard work never stopped me from doing anything, although a good book sure has.  :)  It wasn't about the company or anything.  It just wasn't right any more.  Fore a few months I felt like it was right, and then I started to feel like something wasn't right.  I wouldn't figure it out.  I wasn't having success no matter how hard I tried, I just kept feeling like something was wrong.  I figured it was me, I must have been doing something wrong.  I had so many blessings and tried so hard to figure out what I was doing wrong.  Every day the feeling of wrongness became stronger, I just couldn't stand it.  I told John I didn't want to do Mary Kay any more.  I stayed up late praying, thinking, and reading scriptures, searching for answers.  I can across a saying I have on my fridge it says "There is joy in creating a home where faith can find a firm footing."  How that tormented me.  I couldn't do that.  I was to stressed, I didn't have the time to clean, to teach my kids, I had stopped going to the gym and felt sick all the time, I didn't make healthy meals very often because I didn't have time.  I missed that.  I missed the mundane day after dayness of being a stay at home mom.  I missed washing the same dishes, picking up the same toys, going over the alphabet 3 times to a kid who just isn't getting it.  I missed the time when my biggest worry was finding a new park, a new hike, teaching Glen a new word, helping Benjamin learn to stop hitting.  I missed my cheerful helpful kids, my happy husband.  My mood, my stress, and business had affected them all and I hated it.  I hated seeing what my absence was doing to my family.  I knew what I needed to do, I needed to stop working.  It wasn't like I worked 9-5, but I was gone, I was busy, I was stressed and even when I was home I couldn't just *be* home.  I needed to stop.  I prayed and fasted with John, I spoke with my bishop and we decided that it was right for me to stop.  I feel how right it is.  My kids need me FAR more then they need the little bit of extra money I was bringing in.  They had been passed from one teenager baby sitter to the next, one tv show to the next.  They had heard "I'm busy" so many times and they hated ti, I could tell.  They felt like I had no time for them, and I didn't.  That is gone now, I had realized how important being a stay at home mom is and not just saying I stay at home, but actually being there with my kids, in the moment so I could take the time to teach them and guide them.
I'm not saying Mary Kay is a bad company.  I think Mary Kay Ash truly was inspired by God to start this company and I still want to be a part of it.  I am still going to sell to my customers and family, but I won't be giving facials any more.  I think if I was willing to spend the 15 hours they say it takes to be successful that I would have been, I was VERY successful for a bit, but I am not willing to sacrifice my kids for success, not ever.  No success can make up for failure in the home.  Maybe some day when my kids are all in school for most of the day I will go back to it, but for now I am content to stay home and give them all of the time and attention they need.  I see so clearly how important that is.  If it meas scraping by for the rest of our lives then so be it, at least my kids will feel that they had a mother who loved them and made sacrifices for them ,but did not sacrifice them.

Bubbles

 Lately I have not been very good about taking time to be with my kids, doing what they want when they want it.  I'm not the type to give in to every little whim, but there is magic in giving a child what they want right when they ask for it.  Glen asks me to jump with him and I tell him to wait until I finish what I am writing down.  By the time I am done he doesn't want to jump anymore, I lost that moment.  See with my kids it's not that there are not plenty of special moments.  Almost every part of the day is a special moment as they discover something new, for me it's more about being a part of those moments.
Today we took Benjamin to get ice cream at Cold Stone.  There were a lot of cakes I wanted to look at to get decorating ideas, I'm still trying to perfect my ice cream cakes.  Anyway, as he sat there eating his ice cream he was learning something, discovering something.  It seems strange, but that ice cream with gummy bears and M&M's was magic to him.  I saw that.  I decided not to go investigate the cakes, I did not want to miss his magic moment. It would have happened if I had gotten up and left, but I would have missed it.
When is the last time going to the bathroom was a magical experience for you?  I know right?  I'm not crazy!  We went to City Creek as a family and Glen had to go to the bathroom.  There was a family bathroom so we went in there and Glen discovered automatically flushing toilets, automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers.  This is even stranger then ice cream, but for Glen it was a truly magical experience and I was there!  I saw the wonder in his eyes as he tried to figure out how the toilet flushed all on it's own and how the water turned on.  For kids, just about everything is a magical experience.
The whole point of this post, long in coming I know, but it's finally here!  The whole point of this post was to tell you about one of those moments today.  John wanted to take a nap and the kids wanted to play in the front so I took them out front with a book fully intending to sit ad read while they played.  But then we pulled out the bubbles.  Kids are drawn to bubbles!  Instead of burying my nose in a book I blew bubbles with the boys for a few minutes.  It was only a few minutes, and they spilled more then they blew, but I could see it in their eyes.  I could tell that this was my saying to them "I love you."  This was not just fun for them or relaxing for me, this was love.  Quality time isn't scheduled, it's something you just have to grab when you see it.  Most of the time I don't even realize how important it will be.  Like blowing bubbles, or snagging a hug as he runs by playing tag at the park, jumping up to kiss a boo boo.
I feel like I am rambling here, I guess I'm just feeling really sentimental.  I am so grateful for my sweet boys.  They are my world, no, they are the sun my world revolves around.  I am grateful for every hug, every kiss, and every magical moment that I hold on to.  I hope some day they can look back at the bubbles, the slip and slide, the reading parties, and the late night tickles and ignore all the mistakes I have made, all those things that make me feel like a bad mom.  I hope and pray that the bubbles are bigger then the mistakes.

I'm going to enjoy this

I'm a pretty independent woman, I like being able to do stuff on my own.  I think it stems from this idea I got in high school that I wasn't as good as boys because i was a girl.  In college I worked in facilities maintenance.  It was a predominately male group I worked with and some times the boys would tell me to sit back and let them handle the work.  Some women might enjoy that, but I hated it.  To me it was another way for them to say I wasn't as good as them.  There were a couple who actually thought that, but I showed them by becoming their boss :)  The rest were just trying to be nice.  John is like that, he is nice.  I know it's silly, but it used to bug me when he would lift heavy things for me or help me when I didn't need it.  He did it all the time when I was pregnant with Glen and Benjamin and it bugged me!  I mean I was pregnant, not broken!  I decided a few months ago that next time I was pregnant I was going to sit back and relax when he told me to.  I would enjoy it instead of resent it.  Yup.  That's what I'm doing.  He is cleaning the house today and he told me to sit down and rest.  I am definitely enjoying this!  :D  There will be plenty of times when I have to work hard, when I am told to take it easy I am going to say "Thank you very much" and enjoy it!  Excuse me while I go grab a book and find a seat on the couch.

Pregnancy the 3rd

When I was pregnant with Glen and Benjamin I tired to stay out of pictures as much as I could.  I hated being photographed.  There are very few pictures of me, especially when pregnant.  I wanted this one to be different though.  I have waited so long and more importantly I am so much more confident then I ever was.  Being in Mary Kay has helped me gain so much confidence and self esteem that even though I am not as slim and flat as I want to be I can still love myself. I love who I have become and who I am daily becoming.  So with this new found confidence I am going to keep a record of myself while I am pregnant.  Not every day, that would get old, but the important things.
This is the week I found out I was pregnant.  I'm only 5 weeks so I am not showing, but I am so ecstatic I can hardly stand it.  So far I have had pretty bad morning sickness (all day by the way) and pretty bad headaches.  I just got a stuffed nose and sneezes today so the headache my be from the cold.  I have been insanely tired most days and having a few weird cravings, like pickles on top of eggs, and just today my favorite Jamba juice no longer appeals to my, but my husbands did so we traded.  :)  Oh, and the smell of ripe bananas makes me feel like I'm going to throw up.  So far it hasn't been easy, but I just keep telling myself "I'm going to have a bay!"  And then I remember why women put themselves through pregnancy.  Do some people actually enjoy this?  The feeling of excitement yes, but some days I'm hard pressed to remember how excited I am over how sick I am.  :)  But I can't let that slow me down.  I have a baby on the way and darn it!  I[m going to be a director by then so I am going to work mu butt off and get there by the end of the year...hopefully by the end of the summer.
Until next time...

My boys

 Benjamin, my smiley cuddle guy.  I hope he never stops wrapping his arms around my neck the way he does.  I hope he never stops kissing both cheeks to even me out.  Isn't it amazing how the smallest things are the things that you would miss the most if they were gone?  It seems like the small parts of life that bring happiness and make me feel complete.  Lately Benjamin has taken to carrying around a baby doll that is almost as big as he is.  He wants a baby so bad.  Whenever he sees a baby he will play with them, sit down and look at me expectantly and say "I'm sitting down, I'm ready to hold the baby."  I have been wanting another child so much that I wasn't planing on sharing much, but it looks like I won't have a choice will I?  But I feel happy.  I know these two will make such excellent big brothers.
Now Glen, he is a goof.  His PJ's look a little weird, huh?  He got dressed for me, then ran off to his room.  I though he was going to bed, until he ran back out laughing.  He had taken off his PJ's put the pants around his arms and the shirt of his legs.  He knows how to get people to laugh and he will go to great lengths to get people to laugh.  Sometimes I have to be really careful when I laugh because he will keep being silly once I do.  This becomes  a problem when he is making silly noises during scripture study or church.  I never want to stop laughing with him though, I am so happy he has such a fun sense of humor.  He likes to make up jokes too.  Today during church he was going around to all of our friends telling them "Mommy has my little sister in her tummy."  He is like Benjamin with kids.  It's like they see a baby and think it must be theirs and why isn't the baby sitting with us, oh that must be why she is sad.  These boys are as baby crazy as I am.
I am so grateful for my smiley Benjamin and my silly Glen.  Life would be such a bore without them.