However, I feel like I have learned a lot over the past months. Suffice to say this pregnancy has been the hardest so far, not that I have vast experience or anything. :) I have been extremely sick, I have been weak and in pain most of the time, and I have even been on and off bed rest a few times. It's been hard for all of us, but as I look back I can see that we have all learned tons. The boys have learned to play well on their own, they have learned to be more sensitive to how I am feeling and they can tell when I am in a lot of pain or feeling really sick. They have become more helpful and kind. John has learned how important it is for him to help out. Without his hep the house would always be a disaster, instead of just most of the time, the kids and I would drive each other crazy, and I would be even more sick and in even more pain. The first few times I was put on bed rest and he had to do everything I could tell it really bugged him and that made it even more difficult for me. I felt guilty, like I should be doing more, but I just couldn't. Over the last few months though I have seen John pick up the slack, and there is plenty to pick up around here, and he hasn't complained or been bothered by it. We have learned to work together. There are less feeling of "that's your job and this is my job" we just do what needs doing. He has been such an angel when it comes to diapers, dishes, laundry, putting kids to bed, forcing me to rest when I need to, and massaging my sore back, feet, and legs. He treats me like a princess and he enjoys it!
I have learned a lot as well. Many of them have been hard lessons to learn, but I feel like I have learned at least a little. I have learned to be less selfish. When I am sick and in pain I can still read a book or cuddle with my boys. I have slowly learned that I can still be kind and patient when I feel horrible. I have learned to appreciate the times I feel good and take advantage of them and to also work, and smile, through the bad days. I have learned to prioritize. Instead of cleaning the whole house I pick one job in each room to focus on, and sometimes the dishes sit in the sink while I spend time with my kids. This has been one of the hardest lessons to learn. The other hard lesson I learned just yesterday. Patience, not with my kids or myself, but with this baby. We have all been waiting so long for her to come, and we are all so anxious for her that it's been hard to wait the last few weeks.I was trying everything to try to get myself to go into labor. Then Saturday night I prayed and talked to Heavenly Father about how I was feeling and I felt and great sense of peace and the feeling that I shouldn't worry about when she comes. This morning I wasn't disappointed to wake up at home yet again. We are all still very excited to meet her, but we can wait until she is ready.
This is one of those rare occasions when I feel like I have learned what the Lord wanted me to learn from a trial while in the midst of the trail instead of after the fact. I am very grateful for this. I feel like I can learn more when I am in the thick of things then when I am looking back.
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