Katy has died

We had three pets, but now we have two.  Katy, our green Katydid died last night.  I have been expecting it since she laid eggs.  I am pretty sure female katydid's lay eggs shortly before they die.  I showed the kids just a second ago and they took her outside to find a final resting place for her.
Call me crazy, I have received a lot of criticism already, but I am not hiding the hard parts of life from my kids.  They know about death, pain, bad people, and blood.  Don't get me wrong, I want to protect them.  I want to shield them,  I want their little lives to be as blissfully naive as possible so they don't feel pain, sorrow and all that other stuff that is...less then happy.  But that is not how life is.  More then protecting my children I want to prepare them.  I will not always be around to protect them and I want them to know how to cope when bad things happen, as they surely will.  I want them to know that when bad things happen it is not their fault, it is not because they are bad, it's just a part of life.  It is a part of the plan our loving Heavenly Father has for us.  Because of the negative in life we are better able to appreciate and cherish the positive parts of life.  I want to help them see that even when life is hard, they still have a loving Father and they are blessed.
So anyway, I showed them that Katy had died and when Glen asked why I explained that bugs don't live very long and that dying is a part of life.  He is worried that the grass hoppers will be lonely.  What a sweet boy.

Conference

The conference for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints is this weekend, it starts tomorrow morning.  Twice a year we have this weekend long conference.  I love it, it brings such a strong spirit into my life and a sense of renewed dedication do do better, be better, and work harder.
Usually on Saturday I turn on the radio and clean while conference is on in the background.  It's almost an afterthought as I try really hard to get the house clean for anyone who comes over Sunday.  Just a regular Saturday with background noise.  But this Saturday will be different.
 I read an article about a man who was talking to his neighbor who was not a member of the church.  He was telling his neighbor about conference and how our Prophet speaks the word of God.  His neighbor was interested and asked what the prophet had said in the last conference.  The man couldn't remember.  I was thinking about this and if I was the neighbor interested in what this living prophet had said, but the guy couldn't remember I would think that he didn't think it was important.  So what about me?  Do I think it is important?  I spend Saturday cleaning then usually end up falling asleep on Sunday.   But this time will be different.
I know our Prophet President Monson is a true and living prophet.  I know the Lord speaks through him.  If Christ were here in my home speaking to me and teaching my family I would not listen to Him as I cleaned the house.  I would not lay down and take a nap.  I would sit at His feet and listen to Him.  I know that I can hear my Savoir's voice when I listen to conference so this time I will listen.  I will sit my kids down with me and we will listen to what the prophet has to say, we will hear the word of the Lord and receive answers.  Conference is important.  I will show my kids that I think it is important.  More important then a clean house, more important then tying a quilt, more important then taking a nap.
I know that my savior lives.  I know He loves me.  He knows my name, my struggles and heartaches.  He has restored His church on this Earth.  President Thomas S. Monson is His prophet on this Earth.  He speaks through His prophet and will give me guidance if I listen.  And if I listen with my heart, I hear my saviors voice.

Words to encourage and uplift

Today I was paid a high compliment. Let me back up.

Today for my birthday dinner we went to Noodles and Company, one of my very favorite restaurants. They have all sorts of noodles, soups, salads, and sandwiches. Something for everyone. I got a bowl of spaghetti to share with Benjamin. You know how kids eat spaghetti, or really anything for that matter when they are under 2. He had a lot of his meal under his chair, I even dumped noodles out of his boots. :D Seeing the big mess I decided to clean up. I got down on the floor, hands and knees in my dress, and picked up all of the food from under his chair. I was told by a lot of people that there were people paid to do that I could leave. I knew that, but i also know what a pain it is to clean up after a little kid, after all I have two. I also figured this was more then your usual run of the mill mess and since this is a place where you don't leave tips I couldn't just leave a big tip and feel ok.

So there I was with spaghetti on my skirt, thanks to an extra large glob he dropped, trying to figure out if a fork or my fingers was more effective and I hear a lady make a comment. Not a snide comment either! She said to her companions that I was a good mom. Then another woman, her mom I think, told me that my boys were lucky to have me. I was setting a good example for them and they would grow up to be good, polite boys. She said they were cute and I was doing a great job.

Sometimes I feel discouraged. I worry that my kids are missing all the little lessons I am trying to teach them. But I know that they are learning. They see my example and they follow it. To you I would say, do not become discouraged. Your kids are watching what you do, they want to be like you. You do well and they see that.

These two sweet ladies really made my day. It means a lot to me what they said and I hope some day they realize it.

Listen to love

Hey you, yeah you. Stop listening to that voice that keeps trying to tell you your not important, that you are alone or unloved, just stop ok? I know that voice can be loud in your ear, but I can yell a whole lot louder. Or. I could sit right next to you, put my arm around you and whisper that I love you. You are important. You're not alone. So don't listen to that voice, listen to mine. I love you. You are important. You are not alone.

The illusion of control

Oogway: My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours until you let go of the illusion of control.
Shifu: Illusion?
Oogway: Yes.[points at peach tree]
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu: I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.

I have discovered that control really is an illusion. Try as I might I cannot make my kids do anything. If they obey it is because they choose to. If they pick up toys it is their choice. They choose to come when I call. Let me illustrate with some recent examples. When I was trying in vain to get Glen to use the toilet he refused. I thought I could make him. I would pick him up and on the way he would have an accident. He was in control. Benjamin refused to pick up the box of blocks he had just dumped out so I took his hand in mine and I made him pick up his toys. Really I was picking them up, I was not in control. I do have control over some things. I can control the way I teach my kids, they way I feel, and how I react.

Now don't get me wrong, my kids are not out of control. They are well behaved polite children. I have learned that they obey out of choice. They choose to obey me because they love me and want to make me happy, or they obey because they would rather avoid the consequence. Recognizing the illusion of control has helped me to master myself and teach my children more effectively. Because I understand that it is their choice, not mine, I feel less frustrated when they misbehave and can teach them what they need to learn so they do not misbehave.

I want my children to choose to be good, not because they are afraid of me, but because they love me. I know that when they see their choices for just that, their choices, that they will be more willing to obey because they will not feel powerless. No one wants to feel like they *have* to do something, not even me. I rebel at the thought of being forced and so do children. I want to help them learn that their choices are theirs to make and they need to take accountability for those choices. I pray the Lord will guide me as I teach my children and that I will follow that guidance.

Milestones

Babies are born to learn. From day one they absorb all around them, they take it all in and they start learning. Baby discovers hands and feet, rolls over, says mama dada, sits up, crawls, walks, talks, there are so many milestones. Babies learn so fast and so much. Hang in there, this soon ties into my potty training adventure.

There are things that we can do to help our baby reach each milestone. I read with my kids, help them learn to use heir muscles, show them how to roll over, teach them to say words correctly, and give lots of encouragement. Kids for the most part follow this pattern, we will use Glen learning to walk. He learned to stand, then he took a step. But after his first step he didn't just take off and walk. He fell. He tried again later and here and there he took a step. Then a he took two or three steps at a time. I had no control over how much he walked or how fast he learned. He just did it.

Well I have come to realize that potty training is the same way. Eventually kids learn to use the toilet. I have no control over how fast he reaches this next mile stone. I can show him how to sit on the toilet, pull his pants up and down, wash his hands, and try to help and encourage him, but he will get it on his own. Glen learned to walk and speak very early, and some kids potty train early. Mile stones happen when they happen and all we can do is help prepare our children.

Parents being in control is an illusion really, more on that later, all I can do is give him encouragement and wait for him to reach that next milestone.

The never ending story

House work. Never ending. Not with kids.

I look at this picture, smile a little insanely and for just a moment contemplate blowing the house up instead of cleaning, follow with a little maniacal laughter, and then force myself out of a pleasant day dream and back to reality.

When I was a newly wed, I vacuumed once a week, did the dishes once a day *without* a dishwasher, and I dusted because I thought I aught to be doing *something* around the house. Oh and John and I both worked full time and still I was looking for things to do. I only wish that were the case now. Now it seems like there is never enough time to get all the house work done and things like dusting are so low on the list I have not made it there in a VERY long time.

The other day I spent all morning cleaning then left the kids with John during nap time. Glen had a few friends over and he was happy. So was I, I was going to the store without two kids in tow. This almost never happens. When I got back, I wished I had just stayed. The kitchen and living room I had just spent all morning cleaning looked like I hadn't cleaned in weeks. The floor was covered in crumbs from crackers and chips, the boys were playing while munching and I was down a whole bag of chips and package of crackers. "We're not hungry, we had lunch at home" the friends assured me.

They are still little kids, I tremble to think what the house and food will look like when the kids are teens bringing over friends that are not hungry, or worse, kids that are.

So here I sit in a house that *was* clean recently, but you can't tell. Even with kids that do chores I am still so outnumbered. "Why are you cleaning?" Glen often asks when he wants me to play with him instead of clean. I tell him because the house is dirty, I don't mention the fact that the house is ALWAYS dirty and that the laundry, dishes, crumbs, and toys never end. No, I just tell him the house is dirty then pretend to love cleaning. Then I go out to play with him as soon as I can.

If I could describe house work in one word I would use... endless. Is it any wonder I have little motivation to clean today?

Two boys

My two boys. Usually they are inseparable. They are silly, crazy, happy, loving boys. They are so used to each other they have a really hard time being apart during the day or at night. They look out or each other, they wrestle, they fight, they hug. They are mine.

Benjamin is even more stubborn them Glen, Heaven help me. It is very hard for me to get him to eat what he doesn't want to eat, do what he doesn't want to do, or just agree with me sometimes. His favorite word was and remains "no," but he is a good, happy boy.

Benjamin hero worships his older brother, Glen. He follows him almost everywhere, does what he does and says what he say. Sometime it really bugs me, like when I ask Benjamin to lay down for a diaper change and Glen whispers "Benjamin, run away and hide." But other times Glen can get Benjamin to do things no one else can. Like tonight. John was trying to get Benjamin to pray and he wouldn't. So I tried, still he wouldn't. I asked if he wanted mommy to help, "No!" Daddy? "No!" Glen? "Yes." So Glen went over and knelt down next to his crib and Benjmain immediately stopped fussing and sat down to fold his arms. So sometimes Glen's influence on his brother bugs me, but often he uses it for good. I am grateful for the close bond these two brother have. The love they have for each other makes my heart happy. And I am grateful for Glen;s help when Benjamin is being extra stubborn. I hope as Glen grows and progresses he will be able to use his influence to help his brother more and also to help those around him.

Benjamin seems to have switched from being a mamma's boy to being a brother's boy. I am happy with this, usually. :)