One of those days

Today has been one of those days. Not a good day, not a bad day, just one of those days. *sigh* I'm tired, but I'm not grumpy which is a plus. I've had a lot on my mind lately. Mostly what I have been thinking about is something I heard in church yesterday. One woman who was speaking said that our parents did the best they could with what they had. They didn't just wake up one morning and say, "I'm going to be the worst parent ever." Being a parent is hard and we all make mistakes. Some parents have more resources then others, more support, more time or money, more patience. Some parents are single parents, some are struggling with problems of their own while trying to raise their kids. But I believe that everyone does the best with what they have.

So don;t get down on yourself. If you're having a rough day just remember you are doing you best and you are wonderful. Parent is synonymous with sacrifice. No matter how much money, time, resources, support... etc. you have, parenting is a sacrifice and you are wonderful for doing it. I hope you feel as wonderful as I think you are.

Super heros

I read an article today about mom's who get depressed because they try to be super mom. The people who did the study suggest that moms stop trying to be super mom. I disagree for more then one reason. First, I think that as people, and especially as mothers, we need to constantly try to become better. I do not suggest stressing yourself out to have a perfectly clean house, gourmet meals, and happy perfect kids. But there is always something that I can to better. Today I baked cookies, but it was a new recipe and very time sensitive. My kids wanted me, but I couldn't play with them lest I ruin the cookies. It was stressful and I become impatient. Tomorrow I can be more patient and I think I will have then help me with the baking and cooking.

The second reason I disagree is because of my definition of a super mom. Super mom does not have a perfect house, her meals are not always healthy super meals, and sometimes her kids misbehave and are dirty. They even eat Popsicles and candy on occasion. But super mom's kids are happy. They know she loves them and she spends time with them. Super mom listens to her kids, she heals boo boos with a kiss, solves life's problems with a hug and kind word, and teaches her children what is most important. Love, respect, manners, and what is most important.

I have stopped cleaning to dance with my son, I have closed my eyes to the growing puddle on the floor to let my 2 year old learn to wash dishes. I have let 5 more minutes turn into 1 hour and a half at the park, one more chapter became 6. Snuggles in the morning turn into wrestling matches and tickle time. Weeds become flowers, and finger prints on a paper are masterpieces.

Being super mom isn't about the house or the meals, it isn't about your child being in honors or team captain. Being Super mom means love, it means children that feel important. It means memories and time.

Tell me how you, your wife, or your mom are super heroes.

Have faith

Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day. Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray. Faith is like little seed: if planted it will grow. Faith is a swelling within my heart.

In Ether 12:6 (book of Mormon) it teaches that you do not receive a witness until the trial of your faith. Currently my faith is being tried in many ways. Some are far more difficult then others. Feeling that the Lord wants me to rely on my own wisdom and knowledge to potty train my son is a trail of my faith. Staying at home instead of working is a trail of my faith. Raising my kids is a trail of my faith. Going to church, making friends, following promptings. Everyday there are trails that I must navigate. Often I do not know why, or what the out come will be. Many times I have heard faith referred to as a blind leap. In a way it is. It's like putting on a blind fold and following directions from someone you cannot see. You trust that they will not lead you into danger, you trust that they will protect you and give you the information you need to make it safely on the path. Right now though, the biggest trail of my faith is none of those things I listed. They are all in some way a trial of my faith, but not the big one. The big one right now, the one that causes fear and faith to battle constantly is our bank account. Because of some very unexpected and very large bills our account is very low, lower then it has ever been.

Every year when we get our tax return we spend some of it and put the rest into savings. We slowly eat away at it until the next year and repeat the process. Right now we are under $500. That means if the car has problems, we get really sick and need a doctor, really if anything happens we are in trouble. Hence the fear.

Here is where faith comes in. I just paid my tithing. I have always had a testimony of tithing. There have been some pretty remarkable miracles in my life that I attribute to paying tithing. I would never give a single thought to skipping it and putting the money elsewhere, it wouldn't do any good. I have been promised that if I pay tithing the windows of Heaven will be opened and blessing poured out upon my head. So many that I will not have room to receive them all. I believe this promise will be fulfilled. I do not see how things will work out. I wear a blind fold right now. I am listening to my Father's voice, I am following Him. I know he will lead me safely through and after the trial of my faith I will have an even stronger testimony of tithing and so much more.

I can see already that He is watching out for me. With summer coming to an end I am thinking about clothes for the kids. I did not know where the clothes would come from, we cannot afford them right now, there is no money for new clothes. I was starting to think of who I could ask for clothes. I was at a loss. Then today my friend and neighbor asked if I needed clothes. I could have cried. It was like she read my mind. I know it was not just her though, the Lord was working through her to answer my prayer and bless me and my family. That is what happens when you have faith. the Lord answers. Some times it is hard to have faith, but I am doing my best, and I know the Lord will do the rest.

A logical 3 year old?

Believe it or not, I've got one. Glen is very logically minded. He has never liked the "Kid" explanations, he wants to know the real stuff. One day Glen asked me where light comes from. I told him light bulbs. No, he wanted to know where light really comes from so I tried the power plant. Where does the power plant get it from? Gee, I was stumped. I'm not electrical engineer and I did not know how to answer his question. So we called up Grandpa who is an electrical engineer and I asked him to explain to me where light come from so I could tell Glen. He said Glen wouldn't understand and just tell him something else. But the thing about Glen is that he want the real information, not a half explanation so I got the good stuff from Grandpa. So I told Glen there are really tiny things called electrons, they are so tiny we cannot see them with our eyes. They are all over the place though, they are in the air, and water, and everywhere. They are what makes light. With that he was satisfied.

I maybe could have told him light comes from the sun, but I have the feeling that he would have wanted to know more. I love how much he hungers to learn and I love that he wants the real answers. Maybe he doesn't understand all the answers, but I think that he comprehends more then he gets credit for. Who knows, maybe he is storing all this information and one day he will just blow me away with how much he has learned and understands. I bet he will.

Don't blink

How could I have missed that my sweet baby boy is no longer a baby? This morning Glen was playing and told Benjamin he was the fire nation and Benjamin said "No, I the baby." Less then an hour later my baby had transformed into a big boy. How did I miss that? I was looking at him and I thought, wow, he sure has grown up. So I told him I love him and he said "Love you." and blew me a kiss. When did this happen?

It's kind of sad to see them grow up so fast, but at the same time it's a happy thing. I see how he grows and progresses, how smart he is, and how much he learns every day. How can I not be happy for that. But I miss the baby he was. I miss...I suppose it's not the baby I miss. As a baby he was so sick all the time and so miserable. I would not want to send him back to that. It's not the cuddles I miss because he is still a very cuddly boy never afraid to sit and hug me, give kisses,, and then wrestle me to the ground. I guess what makes me sad is knowing that as he grows up he needs me less. Right now I am his whole world, his everything, but some day i wont be. I know he will grow up and make friends, start dating and eventually have a family of his own.

OK, I know his isn't even two yet, but I connect the dots, it's how I am. I am missing him already. But somehow connecting the dots is good. Knowing what will happen and how much I will miss him when he grows up helps me to cherish the time I have with him now. It helps me put away the book I am reading to get down on the floor and play cars. It helps me be patient through the tantrums knowing there is a hug ion the other side of the storm. It helps me hold him closer, hug tighter, give more kisses and cuddles, and show more love. I just want to scoop him up on my arms, spin him around and squeeze him until he squeaks and giggles. In fact, I think I will go do that right now.

We're not so different after all

On more then one occasion I have had the feeling that friends not of my faith are waiting for me to ask them to leave my home or say I won't be their friend because we are different religions. Let me tell you that's not how it works. I am your friend because I love you. I'm not the kind of person to make a friend, hoping to convert them and then losing interest when they say they wont be baptized. If I seem overly exuberant about my faith, it's because I am. I am like that with things I have a passion for; children, books, words, and my faith. Being a Latter Day Saint is a central part of my life, it defines who I am. I talk about my church and beliefs because they are important to me and I do want to share them. But I also believe that everyone can choose for themselves and I will never try to push my beliefs onto you or think any worse of you for being different.

We can still get along, we can still be friends, and we can still respect each other. Differences are to be celebrated, not feared.

The Testaments

I just finished watching The Testaments, one of my favorite movies about the life of Christ. I never cease to be moved to tears during the movie, especially at the end when Christ appears to the people in America; heals, teaches, and blesses them. As I watched the movie this time I prayed silently, hoping to be there when Christ comes again. I watch and wait for Him.

I know sometimes it is hard to believe in Christ, there is so much wickedness in the world, so many bad things that happen and often people wonder where God is in all this. I assure you He is there! God loves us, He is our Father and He will answer your prayers. I know that Christ came to earth, that He lived and died for us. I feel it. Sometimes when I teach children about faith and about believing in things they cannot see I talk about the wind.

We cannot see the wind, but we can feel it and we can see the effect of the wind in the trees. So too, can I can feel God and His love, I can see the way He effects me and those around me. But my feeling is so much stronger then the wind, and longer lasting as well. When I feel the Love of the Lord it fills me up, it moves me. I never feel more loved then when I feel the love of my Father in heaven. Words fail me, nothing can describe such a feeling.

If you have access to this movie, or can get access, I urge you to watch it. Allow yourself to feel the Love of your Father. he does indeed love you very much. Pray, He will answer

you, I promise.