So much love

Do you have a friend, maybe your best friend, some one who always cheers you up? I have a friend like that. She is so selfless and always cheerful. Her name is Aleta, and she is one of my very best friends. Even when she lost her job and must have been having a hard time she was still cheerful and ready to talk. She was concerned about me because my kids were sick and went out to buy them medicine, she brought over dinner when I felt sick, she talks to me when I am down and I always leave her feeling happy again.

Aleta is my sun and my flowers. Every time I see her I just feel happy, I want to give her a hug and say thank you. But there are some things that words cannot express. There are some feeling that go so deep that only the Lord knows what they are. Some times when I pray I am so full of love and gratitude and all those things I do not have a name for that I have to ask Heavenly Father to look inside my mind and heart to see what's there. Well I wish Aleta could look into my heart and see that special place that she has. I wish she could know how much she means to me and how grateful I am to her.

I used to move around a lot and I had friends wherever I went, but few of them were real friends, the ones that stick with you no matter how far away you are, no matter what happens they are there. I have a feeling that Aleta is that kind of friend, she just has so much love to give.

I believe

I believe in Christ. He is my Savior and my King. I know He lived and He died for me. I know he was resurrected and some day, I will live with Him and my Father in Heaven. I believe that Christ is my older brother and that he atoned for my sins. I believe that because of His atonement I can be forgiven and live with god again. I love my savior and my Father in Heaven.

My belief in God and in Christ are important to me, my life is centered around my beliefs. There are some who do not believe as I do and to you I say, that is your right. It is your right to believe in a different God, a different religion or to not be religious at all. I believe that you have the right to choose and I believe that I have the right to choose. I will not interfere with your right to choose and I expect that you will not interfere with my right to choose. My belief does not negate your, nor do your beliefs negate mine. We are being born with the ability to choose and act upon those choices. Tolerance goes both ways my friends. I call you my friends because I know that even though we may not have the same faith or beliefs we can still get along and be kind to each other, we can still be friends.

It's not fair to use your beliefs to take away someone else's ability to choose or interfere with their belief. Keep believing what you believe to be good and true, I will do the same. But neither of us will impede the others choice, right? See, I knew we could get along, after all, we're friends.

Swimming fun

Yesterday we went swimming as a family. It's been awhile since we have been able to go swimming as a family. Ok, so Glen and Benjamin are just about as opposite as two boys can be. Benjamin is afraid of everything, hates splashing, but loves swimming. In the water he is a little fish. Glen is afraid of nothing, loves to be splashed, but he hates the pool, at least until recently. Yesterday I bought a baby swim ring for Benjamin, one that will hold him up with straps on the inside. We have this other swim ring, but there are no straps. Benjamin will use that one and swim like a fish, but Glen wouldn't get in the water until yesterday. Glen asked for a turn in the new swim ring. I put him in, and pushed him out. At first he was pretty freaked out, but then he realized that he wasn't sinking and he got so excited that he was swimming. Before long he was paddling back and forth and even jumping in. He had so much fun swimming, ya know, in the water. Instead of just sitting on the side or steps like he usually did, he played and he loved it. Benjamin is still in his regular ring.

Isn't it funny how different kids can be?

Grateful Every Day

Today I got to spend a lot of time with my kids. We went to Temple Square, the Church Art and History museum, and then had a little picnic at a sweet little grassy area. The boys both have colds so we couldn't take them to nursery and wanted something to help them learn about the gospel.

Anyway, and I watched them play and heard them laugh as they ran through the sprinklers, I thought about how grateful I am for my children. I want another baby so bad, but I have to wait until John has a better job so we can afford it. But until then i have my two sweet boys to keep me company and cheer me up.

They each have their own special place in my heart. Glen is my angel. He reminds me of heaven and he is so like me in personality. Benjamin is my smiley boy. Since he was sick for so long as a new baby he didn't do a lot of laughing and smiling until he got better. It has been almost a year since he started getting better and still I cherish every smile. Glen is so daring, he the Jump of the deck onto the trampoline type. Benjamin is the opposite, he is very timid and likes to stick close to me. I think the Lord knew I would be wanting another baby, but need to wait and so he sent me Benjamin so that I would have someone to cuddle with. He is so cuddly, I thought Glen was a cuddly boy, but my sweet smiley Benjamin will sit with me and just hug, like no one but a new born will do. He loves it. And I love that he is still such a mamma's boy. Sometimes he is a little extreme with it, but I feel special knowing he wants me above anyone else.

Today while talking to a friend we talked about how suffering is all relative. I feel sad because John is gone at school so late, but her son is deployed and hasn't seen his wife in months. I feel sad because I want another baby and have to wait, but there are women who want a baby for years and try for years and cannot have any. I am blessed and every day I am so grateful for my two sweet boys. They are such a joy!

I've got a dream

I got this picture from Michelle Bennallack from her blog "Over seas Adventure"

This is my dream home. I know it probably will only be my home in my dream, but there it is. Why a castle you ask? Let me explain. I love Children, I love them so much, and it just breaks my heart to see children that do not have home, children that are not loved, children who are passed from home to home, children that just want a home and love. I want to give that to them. I dream of a HUGE house that can hold 10 or more kids. I want this one because of how much fun it would be to play hide and seek in the dark, tag back and forth across that bridge like thing, haunted houses, a tire swing inside, oh and the temple just down the hill.

The home in my dreams ins't a home for troubled kids, a foster home, or an orphanage, it's just a home. But it will be different in that everyone and anyone who needs a little love can come there. Some to live, some to hang out. This home would be a safe place, a home where you could come to feel loved and to feel safe. We would have fun, and learn, and have fun learning, or learn to have fun. We would learn to cook, clean, help others, be kind to everyone (Including yourself) and play. But the most important things in my dream are love and learning. No child, or adult for that matter, can go through life successfully without learning. and no one can go through life without love. My house will be a house of learning and a house of love.

I have had people make fun of me for my dream, they think I couldn't handle all those kids or I must be crazy, but I cherish this dream. I know that it is a good and righteous dream and that if it is the Lord's will it will happen. He will provide a way. He will provide the means and the patience. I have the capacity to love and the desire to do good and help children and between me and God, nothing is impossible.

Glen's birthday

So I realize, now that it is about a month later, that I never wrote anything about Glen's birthday. Glen turned 3 last month. This is a picture of him with his gift. He wanted a Giddy'up and Go Horse so badly and I found one on a great deal so I bought it. The whole family bought it actually. It cost so much that everyone in the family went in on the gift together and for days he was in love. He didn't want to play with anything else. He would put a blanket over the horse at night, he named it Black Beauty and it was his "Favorite horse, the best horse ever!" And then it happened, it got old. It has been less then a month and already the horse is no longer the best toy, he has gone back to his old favorites. It's discouraging really to see a toy I tried so hard to find and spent so much money on lose his interest so fast. But do you know what is encouraging? The pillow I made for him months ago, my first, and therefor not my best, pillow, is one of his favorite things ever. He has to sleep with it every night, he brings it with him when he sleeps in my bed, it even has a place of honor on his bed. He smooths it out and when he lets someone else use it he is showing a lot of love.

So what's the moral to this story? It's not the price, it's the love. I made that pillow out of lover for him. I made it knowing he would love it and hoping that it would be more then *just* a pillow to him. I could argue that I searched for the horse and spent the money out of love, but it's different. It's the difference between the Horse Blanket I bought for him and the horse blanket I made for him. I made it and perhaps to him it's like part of me, it's like having me with him. I know that the blankets that are the most special to me are the ones people I love made for me. They mean more to me then the shirt I was given, even if it did come from the mall. There is just something about making something for some one, putting a little extra love and thought into it that makes it just that much more special.

Wow, now that I am done with my rambling deep thoughts, happy birthday to my sweet guy. Every day he amazes me. Let me tell you some of the amazing things he does.

• When he is angry he walks away and put himself in time out (most of the time) pretty amazing for a 3 year old if you ask me.
• He talks like a 6 year old
• He has started to read words (his first word was horse, surprised?)
• He loves to bake and play with horses
• He shares with and helps take care of his brother
• He has recently begun to love baseball again.
• He like to sweep, vacuum, and do dishes. (I sure hope that one sticks around)
• He has a great imagination, you should hear some of the stories he tells.
• He is polite, the first thing he does when he gets food is ask who made it ans then thanks them.
• He gives great hugs and says "I love you so much, you mean so much to me." It just melts my heart.

Glen is very special to me in his own way. Each of my boys have their own pace in my heart and Glen's is different then Benjamin's. He is my brave, sweet, compassionate, angel, and I love him so much!

Deep thoughts

Today I heard on the radio about California being very in debt and how the government is in debt. There is never enough money and everyone wants more then they have. I say that is the key, everyone wants more then they have. I was very blessed at a young age to learn to be happy with what I have. I figure it's like this, you can try to have what you want or want what you have. Having what you want is not always the same as wanting what you have.

I often think of the way people lived years ago. A simpler time, so to say. Many people had very little compared to what we have today, but they we still happy. One or two toys and children were satisfied. One Sunday dress and shirt, that's all that was needed.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all that we have I feel so blessed. But I am trying to get back to the simpler way of thinking. We do not need the latest, greatest toys. There are things far more important, like family time and love. The thought behind the gift is far better then the gift. I hate getting a gift that I can tell was a last minute gift. I would rather get a gift that had had thought put into it. I do not care about the price, it is the thought.

It is hard in such a materialistic world to have a non-materialistic attitude, but I really want my children to learn that people, love, and companionship are much better then "things."

A princess, beautiful in His eyes

I am a princess, no not a fashion obsessed, dramatic, get my way type of princess. A princess in the truest form. I am the daughter of a King, and as such heir to all He possesses. Think about that for a second, we are all children of God, the most high King. He is Lord over all...ALL. And we as His children are all princes and princesses, heir to all He possess, in other words, heir to ALL. I am so sad to see that some girls and boys, men and women forget that they are royalty.

John and I went on a date to the temple the other day, I love dates like that. ya know one of my favorite parts? I always feel so beautiful. It's not because everyone is wearing white and so I feel less out of place then usual, it's not because my temple dress is extravagant and beautiful. I feel beautiful because in the temple I see my divine worth better then any other place. I feel beautiful because I see myself through my Father's eyes. He created me and being God his creation is perfect. I am not saying the I am perfect, far from it, but as His creation I am perfect. He made me the way I am and as His creation, and as His daughter I am beautiful. In the temple I feel that beauty and divine worth so deeply.

I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the temple and to feel the Spirit of God so strongly. I am grateful for my knowledge that I am a child of God, divine and beautiful to behold. I love my Father in Heaven and am grateful to know that he is my Father and my king.

Lagoon Day

Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed and a little burned out. I do ok for the first half of the semester, and then it starts getting to me. God made it so that man and woman would be together, that together they would raise children, support each other, work together, lots of togetherness. Unfortunately, that's not the way it always works out. For most of my life my own mother was a single parent and I know it was tough on her. I know other single parents and see how hard they work for their families, I really admire their hard work, dedication, and sacrifice. I know I am blessed to have a supportive husband, but during the school semesters I do feel kind of like a single parent. Most days he is gone from early in the morning until late at night, hours after the kids are asleep in bed. I often feel like I have to do everything alone, and it is tough. I cannot even imagine being a single mom.
So about mid-term John starts feeling overwhelmed with school work and I start feeling overwhelmed with mom work. I always feel guilty when I want a break. Part of me feels like a good mom doesn't need a break. Maybe part of me thinks that a good mom must be perfect. :) OK, but I really did need a break and my really good friend Jennifer had a way. She and her family were going to spend the day at Lagoon and they had an extra ticket. If I could find a babysitter for the boys then I could go with them. So grandam watched the boys for most of the day, then daddy watched them in the evening and I got to go have fun, relax, and most important spend the whole day missing my boys and worrying about them.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Well, my day away sure made me miss the boys and instead of feeling like I wanted a break, I wanted to go back to being a mom and playing with my boys. I ended a super fun day feeling ready to take on motherhood again. It's tough to be a mom, it's a really hard job, but it is important. I am grateful for the opportunity to take a little break and for the day. It does not make me a bad mom to want or need a break. I can be a better mom now because of it.

Getting Married

So yesterday I'm sitting on the couch and Glen comes to me and says, "Mom, let's get married."
"Honey, I'm already married."
"Mo-om, I meant pretend." He said as if he were telling me something totally obvious.
So Glen put on a hat and tie, Benjamin put on a tie, and I put on a veil and held flowers. It was fun.
I sure love playing with my boys. These two have such great imaginations. They just love to pretend. "I'm not Glen, I'm Bob, and he's Larry. We're vegetables." "I'm not Glen, I'm the Lone Ranger and he's Tonto." "I'm not Glen, I'm a super hero, I'm a cowboy, I'm a pirate..."
Being a mom is the BEST!