Mom and Dad

This is my Mom and Dad. Don't they look happy? This was a picture taken at my house over a year ago on their first date in 30 years. Here is the long story made short. They dated in high school, fell in love and wanted to get married, but because of family things they didn't. Then they lost contact. Around Christmas like 2 years ago they made contact on Facebook. I remember being there at my sisters house for Christmas, we were watching the Forgotten Carols, a family tradition, and mom was chatting on facebook the whole time. After she had been chatting for awhile, the giggling and blushing got my attention. I asked who she was chatting with and she said it was a guy she knew from school. I immediately thought "If he is single she is gonna marry him." Sure enough, not long after that they went on their "first date" and then got married. I won't even go into the night of their date, that is a story for another time, but lets just say it's like she as 16 again and I had fun.

Well, my mom and dad are moving out of their current home into another and so I have been helping them pack and clean. Last night we stayed late trying to get as much done as possible before we all just died from exhaustion and then they took me out to dinner. As I followed them to the restraint I watched them in their car. I was listening to a romantic song in the car and at a stop light I saw then lean in and kiss. Gross did not even enter my mind. I just felt so happy. My mom has a had a rough life. She was a single mom and she worked really hard and made a lot of sacrifices to make ends meet and to raise three crazy kids. I am so glad that she has found such happiness, she deserves it and it's about time she is in heaven with the love of her life.

My one regret in all this is that it didn't happen sooner. I know the Lord has a hand in all things and I do not question His will nor His time, but I do wish they had met up earlier. It would have been nice for my mom to have a loving husband and to tell you the truth I really like having a dad. But I take comfort in knowing that they have an eternity to be together and be in love. I thank the Lord for His plan of happiness and that it is just that, a plan of happiness.

"Genderless" Child?

OK, so ya know that couple in Canada that wants to raise a "Genderless" child? Oh dear!

The first Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints issued this proclamation on the family in 1995. Here is what the Prophet and Apostles have to say.

"All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

If I may share my thoughts on this story... I have two boys. When they were born there were a lot of decisions to be made. One that my husband and I agreed on very strongly was that we wanted to avoid the world's view that boys and men are "Macho, don't cry, tough, do guy stuff." I wanted my boys to feel like it was ok to show emotion, to cry if they wanted to, to show affection and be sensitive. I did not want to limit the way they dresses, acted, or the toys they played with as long as they stayed within the proper bounds as we saw them by the gospel of Christ.

In the bible it says that boys don't wear girl cloths and girls don't wear boys clothes Dueteronomy 22:5.

I used to hate being a girl, I wanted to be a boy so I could do all the cool stuff like play football and fix things with tools. I wanted to be in scouts not stuck with the girls painting nails. But as I got older I started discovering the difference between men and women. God made us the way we are. He made us male and female and He gave us divine attributes to help us. Men, usually the providers of the family are strong, hard working, and focused. They are great at what they do. Women, normally the mommies at home, are nurturing, loving, and instinctive. These attributes are God given, important attributes. I would not trade being a woman for the world now. Being a woman allows me to have children, be a mother, and give my kids what they need to grow up to be strong, righteous, intelligent children of God. My husband also takes joy in his role as a man. He enjoys working hard to provide for us, wrestling with the kids, and protecting us. The attributes he has from God are important just like mine are and they compliment each other and help us to work together more effectively. God's plan is perfect, He made us the way we are and nothing in the world will change that. Because His plan is perfect we as His children are part of perfection.

Pre-school debate

I have been thinking about pre-school lately. Glen, my oldest, is so very smart and he loves learning and reading. He has such a passion for life and learning that I want him to have great learning opportunities. I have asked around to friends, family, other mom's and teachers. There are so many opinions. (Please feel free to share your opinions one way or the other.)

Some say that there is no need for pre-school if you are a stay at home mom, you can teach your own kids. There is a large list of reasons not to send a child, money, worry over safety, having the child "leave home" early. Others have a huge list of reasons for sending a child to pre-school. Social interaction, coping skills, a great learning environment, it's fun, it helps kids get ahead start in school.

And so the debate is on. I know Glen would love it. So far he knows the alphabet and sounds, he can sight read a few words and is beginning to sound words out, he can almost count to 20, he cuts, follows instructions, and tries to write letters. I took a test for him that put him almost at the level kids need to be for kindergarten. So I would not send him for the learning necessarily, though I know he would learn a lot and love it. He does not have a lot of friends his age, but he is very kind and social. I am not worried about him going, though it will be sort of sad, I still think his joy at learning will make up for the hours I miss him.

If he went it would give me a little one on one time with Benjamin, time we don't often get. It would also give me a sort of break, some times I feel so burned out chasing after two toddlers. And here we are with the guilt. I can't help thinking that is I was a better mother I would not need to send him because I could teach him all he needs to know for school. If I was a better mother then I wouldn't feel so burned out. Part of me feels so guilty, almost like I am sending him away because I do not want him. I assure you that is not the case, I love my sweet angels beyond words, it's just my mommy guilt.

Please share your thoughts with me. Have you had success with pre-school, or do you think it's a bad idea?

He'll Carry You

I am a very down to Earth kinda gal. I'm still emotional, but I know that some things won't fix a problem. Crying will not clean up the spilled milk, or get a new cup of milk. Moping around won't help me feel happier. I believe that happiness is a choice. I choose not to cry over spilled milk, I choose to clean it up and get a new cup. I choose not to mope around the house when I am feeling down, but go out and do service or do something fun so I feel better.

But what about when the choice isn't mine? How can I stop my heart from hurting when my baby is in pain? How can I stop the ache when I see my friend making choices that hurt her? What do I do when the choice is not mine, when someone chooses to hold onto the pain?

Today in church we learned about agency, choice. God gave us all agency when we were bone on this Earth. No one can take away our agency. I cannot take away the sickness in my child, I cannot make choices for my friend, or convince someone to let go of the pain THEY choose to hold onto. Not even when it hurts me so much I want to cry, not even when I feel like my heart will break. But there IS something I can do. I can pray. There are some hearts only the Lord can heal, some pain only He can take away.

Heavenly Father sees our hearts, our pain, and the tears that we cry. He will bring us peace, He will comfort us, heal us, and make us whole. I know He will. I have felt His healing in my heart. I cannot heal all pain, as much as I would like to, I cannot, but He can.

PS. When you are having a hard time check out this song by Hillary Weeks "He'll Carry You." It is one of my favorites and it helps me get through the tough times.

Another testament of Christ

I Think two of the biggest concerns people have about the LDS church is Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. I hope I can clear things up a bit.

First of all, we do not worship Joseph Smith. We hold him in great reverence for the work he has done and respect him greatly, but we do not worship him. We worship God our Father and His son Jesus Christ. We, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, are Christians. The name of Christ is part of the name of the church. I know that Christ lives, that He died for me, and that some day He will return.

The Book of Mormon is not our Bible. We read the Bible, believe in the Bible and study the Bible in church. We also study, read, and believe in the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ, it is a companion to the Bible. The Bible tells of Christ's life and ministry in the Holy Land. The Book of Mormon tell of the people living in America, and of Christ's visit and ministry in America. I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God, just as the Bible is. I know that Jesus Christ came to America to teach the people who lived here, we are His other sheep spoken of in the Bible. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that anyone who reads the Book of Mormon and sincerely wishes to know of it's truthfulness can pray and they WILL receive an answer. The Lord hears and answers our prayers, and he will answer yours.

Please take a minute to watch this video about the Book of Mormon, then follow the links below to request your own free copy of the Book of Mormon of the Bible. Learn more about the Book of Mormon here.

Watch the video here http://lds.org/pages/book-of-mormon-an-introduction?lang=eng

A link to request a free Book of Mormon http://mormon.org/free-book-of-mormon

A like for request a free Bible http://mormon.org/free-bible

Learn more here http://mormon.org/book-of-mormon/

Geek!

In our house being called a geek is the utmost compliment, geeks rule the world. So here are our two little geeks in training, our geeklings. Trouble version 1.0 and version 2.0, aren't they cute? I have ninja costumes for Halloween (I bought them last October when they went on sale) But I am thinking we should ditch the ninjas and go geek, what do you think?

Storms and Prayer

I have had a lot on my mind lately, hence the thoughtful posts instead of the cute kids posts, don't worry, they will come back.

I just finished reading a really great article The un-miracle of the tornado prayer. It got me thinking of my own struggles recently. I haven't had anything big to deal with, but I have been fighting an internal battle, of sorts, for the past few days. I battle fear and anxiety. I have prayed for the struggle to cease, for the strength to do what needs to be done despite the fact that I am driven to distraction, I have prayed to know what to do, but mostly I just want it all to go away. I am such a wimp sometimes.

Even though I have prayed often, fervently, and faithfully the struggle remains, the battle is still being fought. Why? I know the Lord answers our prayers so why isn't he answering mine? HE IS! The Lord ALWAYS answers our prayers. I know he does. That doesn't mean that He is going to take away our problems or struggles, but He will strengthen us, give us peace, and teach us through it all. Reading that article just confirmed all that I know. He does hear our prayers, and even when He does not answer with what we want He DOES answer.

I have not ceased to feel afraid, the battle with in has not ceased, but I feel peaceful. I can feel a sense of peace even as my insides clutch with fear. I know that I am doing well, that I am helping others. And even when my brain fuzzes over with fear and my stomach feels like it's being twisted in knots (constant feelings the past feel days) I am still able to be a good mother and do the task the Lord has set before me.

‎"Some times the Lord quiets the storm to calm the child, and sometimes He calms the child and lets the storm rage on." For now the storm rages on, but I am calm.

Today is the day!

Today is the day I make my choice. I get to choose, and I choose not to live by fear.

I have an anxiety disorder. I have worked really hard to overcome it, to not let it rule my life. I have come far. I used to have so many anxiety attacks that I could hardly go anywhere or do anything without panicking and starting to hyperventilate. I have to say the singles ward helped me immensely. I wanted to have friends and do fun stuff with them so I had to get over it. And can you just see me on a first date with a really cute guy and I start to panic and he doesn't know what to do? A second dates not happening, right? It took a lot of work, but I got to the point where people thought I was just shy. Shy I could deal with and so could other people.

The thing about having a panic attack in public was that I was so embarrassed I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever, but I think it scares other people more then it scares me. It has probably been years since I have had a full blown anxiety attack, but I had one last night. I wont say what caused it, I'm not even sure I really know. What I do know is the stupidest reason in the world. We had a friend over, we were playing games, and again I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever.

I know that Satan has tools that he uses to try and control us. He uses fear against me, it is one of my greatest weaknesses. But today I choose not to let him use fear against me any more. "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear." I know I will always feel fear, I will always feel afraid, I have come to deal with that fact. But I also realize that there are things more important then fear. I choose to see what is more important and focus on that. We get what we focus on consistently.

Today I choose to live by faith, not fear.

Hope of the Resurrection

Sunday a person in my mother in law's ward died, I read about deaths on the news, and today I found out someone in my ward with cancer does not have long to live. Add that to my general sense of depression and I am feeling pretty down.

I took my boys on a walk today and as I saw the beautiful weather and felt the warm sun I started to dance and feel happy again. Then I stopped my self with the thought "How can I be happy when there are so many suffering." I had to stop that thought from depressing me further. I need to enjoy the sun, the beautiful sky, and my sweet boys and wonderful family. There will always be suffering somewhere in the world, but getting depressed over it will not do a lick of good.

Instead I am trying to focus on hope. Specifically the hope of resurrection. I am trying to remember that because Christ died and rose again we too can be with those we love.

I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. I know that he lived for us, and that he died for us. I know that on the third day he rose again. He can heal our broken hearts and help us be whole again. He loves us more then we could ever know. I know that in our darkest hour, in the times when we cannot continue on our own He is there to carry us. He lives!

Helping Families

http://tippingbucket.org/

You can go to this website to donate. Just a dollar makes a difference, but if you can give more then please do. Families are so important, please use this opportunity to help families.

" A dollar is important when it comes to this fundraiser. We hope that students and young professionals will be able to spare $1-5 for the cause and that those in a more stable position might contribute a little more. We want many people to donate small amounts rather than few people to donate large amounts. That is why it's so important to spread the word...tell all your friends."

Spread the word on your blog, twitter, Facebook, everywhere!