Tribute to Jen

This is going to be so hard to write, but I wanted to get my thoughts out.
This is my friend Jen.  She died Tuesday.  I can't believe it.  I still expect her to call and ask to come over, or to text me and ask if we can go shopping together.  My heart hurts.
I only got to know Jen for a little over a year, but I feel so blessed.  I learned so much from her.  She was such a great example of Christ like love.  She was always smiling and always thinking of others.  The Saturday before her surgery we went out for a girls night.  We went out to dinner, saw a movie and went shopping.  She was trying to decide if she would need a head scarf, but in the next breath she told me about her friend who had dogs and couldn't get out to get them dog food, could we take her some.  That was Jen, every time we went to the store she was thinking of someone else's needs.  Her friend with cats would like that cat litter, it was on sale she should get it for her.  Did I need baby bottles?  Let's get some dish washer detergent for her friend who is home bound, no, lets get two.
Every time one of her sisters went though baby clothes she would ask me if I needed any, did I want more baby bottles?  What about a swing?
We got to be visit teaching partners for most of the time I knew Jen.  We are both big talkers and we would sometimes compete.  I learned to listen, she had some amazing things to say if I would stop talking long enough to listen.  She loved the gospel, you could just feel that when you were with her.  She taught me a very valuable lesson about being kind.  She taught me that you will never regret being kind.
Love, that is the one word I would use to describe Jen.  She loved everyone, especially kids.  She would tell me about the kids she taught in primary years ago, the ones that are now teens, she would tell me about her nieces and nephews, it was obvious that she adored them.  Then she would tell me that she was always talking about my kids.  I know I can't put it into words well, she just loved people.  She loved them for who they were, she loved all of them, not just parts.
I will miss her coming over to talk, to play with my kids and hold my babies.  The day she died I cried because she wouldn't get to meet my Abigail.  Then I thought, "she will get to meet my baby before I will, give her a hug for me Jen, give her some of your love."
When my neighbor called to tell me Jen was dying I thought "Ok, she will have a strong healthy body and get to be with her mom, that is good."  I was ok for about an hour, and then no amount of logical thinking made me happy.  I'm not sad for her, I am happy for her, but I am so very sad for me.  I will miss her so much.  I am sad for my kids, for the world that does not get to have her anymore.  She is almost constantly in my thoughts, I find myself talking to her as I do the dishes, just like I used to.  I find myself looking out the window, looking for her and missing her.  Life without her seems a little less bright, a little less happy.  But then I think of the hope and joy of the atonement and gospel and I can smile through my tears.
I'm sure this is all jumbled and scrambled, just like my thoughts, but I could not pass up the opportunity to share my tribute to Jen.  For those that knew her and those that didn't.  I am eternally grateful to have had Jen as my friend and for all that she taught me.

Tall tales

 I recently read somewhere that when little kids begin to lie it is because they are starting to use their imagination.  That intrigued me, and also made sense.  Very small children are very honest.  I generally frown upon lying, but occasionally a lie comes along that is so epic, it falls into the category of tall tale.  This is the story of one such lie.

Glen came home from school today and told me he had been taken out of class for testing.  I was excited because I had heard about this testing and I wanted to know what they had tested him on.  When I asked him what they tested him on he relied that he did not know so I tried a few more specific questions.  

 "Did they test you on math?"
"Yes."
"Did they test you on reading?"
"Yes."
"What did they have you read?"
"A book."
"What was it called?"
"I don't remember."
"What was it about?"
"Oh!  It was about a Penguin and a Polar bear.  It was a made up story.  So there was this Penguin and this Polar bear and they were friends.  One day they touched and they fused together.  Half penguin, half polar bear.  Then it was called a polarguin.  And then there was a bird and a lion and they touched and fused and they became a griffin.  I really liked the griffin."
"What about math?
"Oh they made it fun!  They gave me a graham cracker, but they said not to eat it yet.  Then they gave me a knife, it was sort of sharp, but not very sharp and I didn't cut myself and they told me to cut it right like this-"
"In half?"
"Yes!  Then they told me to cut it again into fourths, then again diagonally.  Then they said I could eat it.  And I was all really fun, but I made it all up."
"You made it all up?"
"Yes, everything I just told you I made up."
I was totally floored.  That boy totally had me going.  I really believed they had him reading that book and doing that math.  I still cannot believe that he just made that all up on the spot.
And that my friends, is Glen's tall tale.

A companion and helpmeet

Until recently I had no idea how much I rely on John.  Growing up I had a pretty messed up view of men and husbands.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that marriage was actually pretty great.  It helps finding such an awesome man to marry.  One of my messed up views is that you should never rely on  a man.  Let's just say that such a messed up life taught me not to trust or rely on anyone, but that is an entirely different story.  This story is not a tragedy, it is a romance.
We have been married 6 1/2 years next month.  We met April 16th, it was afternoon and he was wearing an emerald green shirt.  I smile to remember because of so many reasons.  When we were told about the new guy all the girls started calling dibs, did you know single girls do that?  Yeah.  Well, I didn't call, I kept quiet.  As he was leaving I said "Good bye Johnathan."  and he pointed his finger at me like a gun and said "It's just John,"that sounds decidedly unromantic, but the wink that followed made me blush.  Long story short, one week to the day I knew we were going to get married.
As the years and the children followed I fell deeper and deeper in love with this amazing man I had found.  Many people mistake love as being a giddy feeling, something that sweeps you off your feet.  I see love, true love, as being much different.  I am rarely giddy when John is around.  I feel safe, loved, happy, content, I can't really describe it.  It is not the short flight of a bird, but instead the steady drum of the waves on the shore, the beating of two hearts, the depth of the sea.
This separation has been immensely hard for both of us, but I am so very grateful for it.  I have realized that John means so much to me, he truly is my other half.  With him gone, it is like a piece o my heart is missing.  Sometimes I miss him so much it hurts.  I search for him knowing he isn't there, I wait for him knowing he won't come home tonight.  I have conversations with him in my head as I fall asleep because it is what I have always done.  I have realized that it is something rare and special to have someone you can talk to about anything.  When I do not get to talk to him, tell him everything about everything I feel tense, stressed, heavy, and sad.  After talking with him, even for 5 minutes I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.  He literally helps me carry my burdens, he is my companion, and we are yolked.
This sweet feeling I have, the one that makes me smile at the mere thought of him, is something I have come to deeply cherish.  I thank the Lord daily for bring a man into my life that I could love so truly and so deeply, and man who would love me as much in return, a man who I would come to rely on in many ways.  This is love, pure and unfeigned.

First lost tooth

 Glen lost his first tooth!  He was so happy and so excited!  I am too, but at the same time it is sad for me.  One more evidence that he is growing up.  I can't stop it, but sometimes I wish I could.  Oh dear, I am feeling very sentimental tonight. Sadly, he lost the tooth at school and at some point dropped it and it has not been found.  I kind of wanted to keep it, is that weird?  I remember as a child finding my mom's drawer of baby teeth from us and thinking how gross and weird it was, and now I want to keep them.  Although I don't want them hanging out loose in a drawer I would put them in a special box with a label and only keep the first one.  I'll just have to make sure I can get the next one.
I am pretty excited to go play Tooth Fairy, now where did I put those wings?

Sledding

Two of my goals for this year was to spend more quality time with my kids and to say "yes" more often and "no" less often.  That is how we ended up going sledding even though there isn't much snow.  We had a couple awesome storms before Christmas, but then nothing since.  The super cold temps have kept most of the snow around though so there was enough snow for sledding.  It might be more accurate to say there were some nice ice patches for sledding.  :)  Because of those two goals when Glen asked to go sledding I made a plan to do it the next day no matter what, instead of putting it off like I normally do.  I think there is something special in granting a request as soon as you can instead of waiting for a good time.  Anyway, we went to this little park near our house that has small hills just right for little people and pregnant mommy.  Why don't I let the pictures do the talking?

Elizabeth enjoyed being pulled around as much as she enjoyed going down the hill.

An attempt to all go down together, not a good idea. :)

Elizabeth went on her own,

And loved it.

Once Glen learned to steer he managed to hit this bump again and again,

My belly is like a sled.

It was slick and icy enough they didn't even need sleds.

I went down like a horse!

Making the goal to spend more time with my kids has led to some of the best days for all of us.