Why?

Why do people say hurtful things to others? I love the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Today someone said something very hurtful to me. She told me that if I look down on people enough to want to help them then I should sell all my possessions and join the Peace Corps. Maybe she was trying to be helpful, but I have never met anyone that finds hurtful things helpful. Yes I want to help others, anyone who knows me knows I have a passion or service and humanitarian work. I love helping others, but I do not do it because I look down on them or think I am better then them, I do it because I love others. I do it because I look to Christ as my example and see that He spent His life is service to others, and He did it because He loves us.

As much as I would love to travel the world and dedicate my life to service through the Peace Corps or as a Missionary, right now that just isn't an option. I have children to raise, and they need me. I can help from here. I don't have a lot, but I can still give service, I can still love. When we have a little extra we try to figure out where there is the greatest need and give of what we have.

Next time you have something to say ask yourself; is it helpful? Is it needful? Is it kind? Is it non-judgmental? If it isn't kind, if it could hurt, don't say it. People respond much better to love then they do to harshness.

Little moments

Baking cookies together, waving to the garbage truck, blowing bubbles and watching the kids chase them. Discovering worms for the first time, watching clouds and finding shapes. Finger painting. Smiles, tickles, hugs and kisses. One more bedtime story, singing songs together. Seeing the wonder in their eyes.

There are 100 little moments every day that make me love bing a mom. Taking time to see those little moments, telling my mommy side to take a break and let the kids play in the mud or struggle to figure something out can be hard, but when I see those little moments that often come from sitting back and letting them discover and learn, even when it is a struggle...those moments make my whole day worth it. The stress melts away with a hugs and a bug wet kiss. The toughest day can suddenly seem like the best day after hearing that little voice whisper "I love you, mommy." in the dark. At the end of the day I am so grateful to be a mother.

18 months

A little late I know, but here it is. Benjamin is 18 months old now, he is growing up so fast.

Just before he turned 18 months I gave Benjamin his first haircut. I put it off as long as possible because it seems like the first haircut is the milestone that takes my kids from baby to big boy. They just looks so much older and there is no turning back. Silly I know, but he will never be a baby again, although he will always be my baby boy.

Benjamin didn't really like the razor, the noise bugged him and the buzzing tickled his head. One side is a little longer then the other because before I finished he let me know in no uncertain terms that HE was done. Oh well, he still looks so handsome.

We threw Benjamin an unbirthday party because on his first birthday he was still very sick and

he didn't enjoy much of anything. Benjamin was so sick for the first year and a fe

w months of life that we nearly lost him more then once, I did not fully realize how sick he was until much later when he got better. He played, learned, laughed, talked, and enjoyed everything. He didn't spend everyday throwing up or just laying in my arms. I thank the Lord that he survived, he is a miracle.

He

sure loved the cake we made him. We made cupcakes and frosted half to look like different balls since he loves balls and the other half was frosted to look like a bat (thanks to my friend Miranda who made my "creation" look like a bat instead of a club. :)

Benjamin has discovered true love, ,in the form of ketchup. He doesn't even need it on food, he will take it straight from a cup or use a spoon. Often he just uses the food as a spoon and sucks the ketchup off after he had scooped it up not even taking a bite. He lives for ketchup. He wants it at every meal and snack and he wants it on everything, even fruit or PB&J's One day at lunch he wasn't eating very well (and he is a BIG eater ) so I put some ketchup on his plate, and he went from picking at it to eating it faster then I had ever seen him eat. Ketchup completes any meal for Benjamin.

Through Thick and Thin

I have to tell this story, it is just too precious to pass up.

Glen was sent to time out for throwing things right after I told him not to. He was really upset and said Benjamin needed to be in time out too, because he was throwing things as well. We told him no Benjamin stopped when we told him to so he was ok. Glen was upset and asked Benjamin to come sit in time out with him. Benjamin immediately came and sat down by him in time out. Then he put his arm around his big brother and gave him a hug. I pulled out the camera just in time to get a picture of Glen put his arm around Benjamin to say thank you. They both sat there for another minute and then they got up and ran around playing together.

I am so grateful for me sweet angels, they mean the world to me.

How does this thing work?

One day Benjamin went into the bathroom and got his diaper off. We found him standing in the toilet with the toilet seat stuck around his middle. Had he been trying to figure out how the toilet works because he saw me trying to potty train Glen? Or was he trying to imitate his aunt in her ballet tutu? We may never know.

So much it hurts

I know now what it feels like to want something so much it hurts.

Benjamin went into nursery for the first time today. It was the first Sunday that I had no baby to hold and my hands felt idle and my arms empty. Over the past few days I have had to hold back tears many times as I think of having another child. I want one so badly. I feel so strongly that there is a child, a little Elizabeth waiting to join our family. I want her so bad sometimes my heart huts with the ache of emptiness.

I feel selfish sometimes, I know there are so many who cannot have children or who have to work so hard for their babies. I feel so blessed for the two that I have and that they came easy. I feel humble. But I still feel incomplete, I know she is waiting to come. But so much has to fall into place before we can have another child. John needs a better job, he needs to finish school, we would need to find another place to live. The list seems so big and so daunting at times I lose faith and become impatient. But two years isn't that long, I just have to keep telling my self that, two years isn't that long.

And so I wait. I wait and I work and I prepare. I am trying to be a better mother. I am learning so much every day. I am making the most of the time I have with my sweet boys and playing hard with them. I do cherish them. So much. And until I get to have you I will wait, yearn, and shed more tears. I will try to be patient for my sweet child. My Elizabeth.

Let Them Be Little

I sure do love my little ones. This song helps me to remember that they won't be little for long and to enjoy this stage of their lives. Another song I really like is called "It won't be like this for long."