The illusion of control

Oogway: My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours until you let go of the illusion of control.
Shifu: Illusion?
Oogway: Yes.[points at peach tree]
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu: I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.

I have discovered that control really is an illusion. Try as I might I cannot make my kids do anything. If they obey it is because they choose to. If they pick up toys it is their choice. They choose to come when I call. Let me illustrate with some recent examples. When I was trying in vain to get Glen to use the toilet he refused. I thought I could make him. I would pick him up and on the way he would have an accident. He was in control. Benjamin refused to pick up the box of blocks he had just dumped out so I took his hand in mine and I made him pick up his toys. Really I was picking them up, I was not in control. I do have control over some things. I can control the way I teach my kids, they way I feel, and how I react.

Now don't get me wrong, my kids are not out of control. They are well behaved polite children. I have learned that they obey out of choice. They choose to obey me because they love me and want to make me happy, or they obey because they would rather avoid the consequence. Recognizing the illusion of control has helped me to master myself and teach my children more effectively. Because I understand that it is their choice, not mine, I feel less frustrated when they misbehave and can teach them what they need to learn so they do not misbehave.

I want my children to choose to be good, not because they are afraid of me, but because they love me. I know that when they see their choices for just that, their choices, that they will be more willing to obey because they will not feel powerless. No one wants to feel like they *have* to do something, not even me. I rebel at the thought of being forced and so do children. I want to help them learn that their choices are theirs to make and they need to take accountability for those choices. I pray the Lord will guide me as I teach my children and that I will follow that guidance.