Benjamin's Miracle

Soy milk has saved my baby, literally.
Let me go back to the beginning. Benjamin was born with a milk allergy that first showed up when he was two months old. Before that he was really fussy and we didn't know why. Then for some reason he got a rash and for months we couldn't get rid of it. The Dr. said dry skin, but I knew it was something else. Finally the Dr. gave in and tested him for allergies "To humor me" as I told her. He came up with a list of allergies that in the end (months later) included milk, nuts, apples, and onions. I tried nursing but I gave it up after about 7 months. He was put on Alimentum formula by the Dr. He was doing ok, but not that well. At four months he got really sick. For weeks I could get him to eat little, and keep down even less. There were all sorts of blood tests, samples taken and no one could figure out what was wrong. Then one day he just stopped throwing up and kept food down. But he had lost a lot of weight. He went form being a chubby happy 4 month old that was in the 30% to a skinny lethargic 5 month old in the .01% or off the chart. I had to move him down a clothing and diaper size. I was worried.
But he gained weight again, agonizingly slowly, but he gained. After months of this we were still holding our breath as he was put on the scale, celebrating a few ounces gained or worrying over 1/2 pound lost. At one year he weighed the same as an average 5 month old and he was so skinny and it took a lot to get him to smile or play. Still he threw up a lot. Some times 4 times a day. The Dr. was ready to run more tests to figure out what was wrong. I had been praying for months to know what was wrong, I prayed for guidance to help my baby as he suffered. I had the impression to look at his formula. I found out it was milk based! When I talked to the Dr. she said that it didn't matter the milk protein was broken down, the nutritionist said the same thing. I asked about soy milk and was told it was only for kids with "really bad" milk allergies. After about a month of harping on the Dr to change his formula to no avail I did it myself. I bought a huge thing of soy formula and in November started feeding him that. When we went in for a flu shot about a month later Benjamin had gained 3 lbs. THREE POUNDS! We had celebrated a few ounces here and there, but now I cheered and breathed a sigh of relief. I knew the battle was over when he stopped throwing up, when he gained weight so fast and steady. I can see and feel the difference in just the last 1 1/2 months.
The Dr. diagnosed Benjamin with failure to thrive, but he was fighting, I can see that now. I wish I had listed to the spirit sooner and fought harder for soy milk. But he is chubby, happy, playful and smiley now. He has the energy to learn and play instead of just laying there in my arms. I am so grateful, I am moved to tears thinking of it. And as I held him today and felt his strength, laughed at his smiles and giggled that he laughed so much, I thank my Savior for giving him the strength to fight. I am grateful for Soy milk because it has saved his life and given me another chance with him. I do not know how long he could have held on, I don't want to think about it, he did, he is here, he is my baby and he is alive!!!

Cute boys

Here is my little hobo. I think this picture is so funny. Glen broke the bottom out of his blocks barrel and started wearing it. This was a few months after he kept asking me to kick him out of the house because he thought it was funny to hear he tell him to "Get out of here." I was making a blanket for Benjamin birthday and Glen kept stepping on it so I told him I was going to kick him out of the house to play. I said it in a funny voice and for the next hour I had to do it again and again and if I did not kick him out he would step on the blanket to get me to say it. Silly boy.
Oh my sweet boy I have to tell you how compassionate and aware of others he is. One day I was vacuuming and Benjamin started to cry because the vacuum scared him. Glen immediately stopped what he was doing to put his arm around Benjamin and tell him it was ok, he was safe. Benjamin is no longer afraid of the vacuum because after that the two boys started playing a game to see who could get the closest and not get eaten by the vacuum. I sure do love this sweet boy of mine.

Benjamin is a climber. He can also figure things out, a dangerous past time, I know. One day he wanted to get crackers off of the table. He climbed onto a box, onto the chair, and then tot he table to get the crackers. I moved the box. He reached up, grabbed the box, put it back by the chair, and proceeded to get the crackers again. Another dsay he figured out that he could climb onto Glen's bed if he tried hard enough and from there arrange the pillows so he could climb onto the changing table, a feat of about 4 feet. He is so smart it worries me. I wonder how long baby gates will hold him.
I love Benjamin's smile in this picture. Doesn't he just look so triumphant? He climbed up there all on his own, it took him awhile with those slippery pajamas's on, but he did it and he was so proud. Now he likes to climb onto whatever he can, say "Hi!" really loud and commence telling us how totally awesome he is. :) This little guy brings me so much Joy. I am so happy that he ia a part of our family and that he has such a happy personality. He just radiates joy.
My lie would not be complete without both of my wonderful little boys. I am so grateful for them and their love and for all that they teach me. I have learned so much the past few years about the love that Heavenly Father has for us by loving my children. I know how deeply I love them and that I would do almost anything to make them happy, keep them safe, and help them, and my love in imperfect. It is but a gimps of the perfect love our Father has for us. My desires for my children are the same desires out Father has for us, only more perfect.

Keep Hope burning Bright

I don't often post serious thoughtful things on my blog, it's not really me, but I feel the need to express my thoughts and feeling and they are of a serious nature at the moment.

My heart feels like it is about to burst, and it is strange because I feel such a mix of emotions right now. I feel anxiety, love, peace, and most importantly I feel a deep and abiding hope. I have a candle of hope within my heart, one that I will keep burning forever if need be. Part of me desires to quench this candle, not with hopelessness, but with a happy ending.

You see, I have a friend, a very good friend who I have known forever, who no longer speaks to me. I do not know why, I do not know what I have done or what happened, yet still I hope. I hope that whatever came between us can be taken away. I hope that she knows I still love her, that I miss her, and that I wait for her.

She is like a sister to me, the best kind. The kind you always get along with, the kind you tell secrets too, the one you laugh and cry with, the one that knows your heart and your mind when you are silent. But somewhere along the way that changed, and I didn't see it, maybe I wouldn't let myself.

My heart hurts without her, I still have her picture hanging in my room, and I hope that some day...some day we can be friends again. And until then memories and hope will carry me, and keep me in this feeling of peace.