Agency

     Agency. Agency is such a fundamental part of the Lord's plan for us that he cast Satan and his followers from heaven for trying to destroy our agency. Can you imagine the heartache that it must have caused our Father to cast 1/3 of his children from his presence, knowing that  they would never reach their full potential? They wouldn't receive bodies, they wouldn't have the opportunity to come to Earth, and they would never reach eternal life or exaltation because they chose to follow Satan. 

     Agency is such a fundamental part of the plan and of our very being that we rebel at being forced to do anything. Children and adults alike.

     I have wanted for many years to do natural learning, we started our homeschool that way but got away from it because of fear. I was afraid that if I didn't tell them what to learn and when to learn and how to learn that they wouldn't learn. I forgot about agency. I forgot about the Lord's divine plan for just a moment. When I decided to go back to Natural learning it scared me. It scared me because I knew that some of them hated math, it scared me because I knew that some of them hated reading, it scared me because I envisioned it this way; as soon as I stopped telling them what and when to learn they would stop altogether. Learning would completely end. But this is what really happened. When I stopped telling them that they had to read, they kept reading. They found books that they loved and topics that they were passionate about and they wanted to read. I stopped having science on the schedule and Glen checked out 20 books about birds and threw himself into researching Raptors and how to identify them and what they eat and where they live and what their environment is. He even spent his vacation spending money on a bird book. I stopped forcing them to do math everyday and instead they asked me if they could do math. Benjamin decided he was going to memorize all of his math facts on his own.  They don't always learn the things that I want them to learn or that I think they should learn, but every day they have something they want to do, something they want to learn and research and work on. 

     I have seen the same process at work in chores. I have tried countless ways of trying to get my kids to do chores. We tried various charts, and we've tried reward systems, and we've tried consequences, we've tried no dinner until your chores are done and no friends until your chores are done and so many other things I can't even count them and nothing worked for very long. But when I sat down with them and I said "we need to find a solution to the housework problem, what can we do?" They came up with ideas, their ideas, not mine! And they are so willing to fulfill their responsibilities because it was their idea, it was their desire and not mine. When they grew frustrated with the amount of housework that they took on I asked them if they wanted to trade and they said no they prefer their way, they prefer their ideas. And I didn't step in, I've learned to get out of their way and let them make choices. And what I've seen is that when I give them assignments, when I tell them what to do, they don't want to do it, but when I say "here's what we need to do today how should we work this out?" they divide jobs amongst themselves on their own and they do it. Even my grumpiest child, the one who is the hardest to get to do anything is the most willing to do it, my most distracted child  gets done the quickest and with  more focus. The younger girls are learning to follow the lead of their brothers and to work together as a team.  The housework is not done perfectly, but I gets done well. They don't vacuum every time, or follow my checklist, but they really do a very good job. 

     During the training for the new youth program for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I was struck again and again how much like natural learning it is. Instead of the youth being told what they should read and what they should study and what goals they should make they are given the choice. They are asked to pray and to seek personal revelation so that they will know what goals they can make to become more like the savior. I know that this will help them draw closer to Heavenly Father. I know that this will teach them to recognize the spirit in their life and to recognize personal revelation. I know that my children will be more willing to do it because they are doing it on their own. They will be following their passions and their talents and seeking the Lord in their way instead of in my way.  

      It struck me in the training session when the prophet said "Resist the urge to take control, they will do better when they do it on their own." It struck me because I've seen that and it felt like he was talking to me, telling me again to stop taking control, to step back and let them lead.  Agency is a beautiful thing.  When we can step back and resist the urge to take control we will see that children take control of their own lives and they make a good show of it!

Heaven not Harvard

     As always, thoughts of school have been running through my head.  I think I've grown used to being questioned.  Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living" No one could question me more then I question myself.  No one could doubt me more then I doubt myself. No one could worry about the future of my children more then I worry about it. But I have learned the art of introspection.  I have learned to look inside myself and tell the difference between anxiety and a prompting, I have learned to find peace.  And sometimes the Lord sends a message so clear it rings in my mind ever after, it rings with truth. You see, he knows me, he knows my family and he knows what we need.  
     All I needed was a little affirmation that natural learning is good for us.  More then anything, natural learning scares me.  I've been taught my whole life that learning takes place sitting at a desk, listening to a teacher.  We learn because we are told what and how to learn.  When I had kids I saw them learning naturally.  They wanted to learn, they hungered for knowledge.  From unending questions to experiencing life, they WANTED to learn.  When I think about my own years in school I realize I remember very little of what I learned from my textbooks or teachers.  What I really remember are the things I learned on my own.  When I decided to use my free period to learn about Greek Mythology.  Books I read about the Holocaust.  The school lessons that really stick out are the ones that were activities that connected me to the lesson, like the time the teacher announced that tomorrow we would be leaving our homes to board trains headed to concentration camps and we had to go home and pack only what we could carry in a small bag to take with us.  I remember so clearly thinking about what I should take.  What was most important to me as a Jew being driven from my home.  What would happen when I got there?  I remember taking a  Star of David to represent my faith, a set of scriptures, a little food and water, a change of clothes.  I remember grabbing some of my prized possessions (though I have forgotten what they are) and deciding to leave them behind. I figured they would be taken from me anyway and I hoped to return.  You see, I got so into it.  I don't think I will ever forget that lesson.
     Now I see the same with my kids.  Glen read a book about Greek Mythology and got so interested he spent weeks researching Hercules, the different gods and stories, and reading everything he could get his hands on or watching videos.  That lead him to learn about how Greek mythology changed with the Romans, which lead to learning about Rome and Roman soldiers.  Those are lessons he will remember because they were born out of passion.  Learning come if we let it so I've stopped focusing so much on academics.  I'm preparing my kids for Heaven not Harvard.  Right now they need to learn the skills that will help them be a successful person. How to be kind, solve problems, work hard, help others, introspection, observance, communication, teamwork.  Everything else will come in time as they are interested or find the need.  My job right now is to prepare them to meet those challenges on their own.

Rhythm

By the end of the day I will know how to spell rhythm, it's kind a of a weird word.

        It was a rough winter.  We all get sick a lot, which is really abnormal for us.  About a month ago I got sick again.  I don't know what it was, but it made my head hurt so bad I could hardly see, I was really knocked down.  It took me a week after that to recover, every time I did so much as get up to get a drink my head started hurting all over again. I was seriously starting to think I would never get better, but I did.  And then depression and anxiety reared it's ugly head.  I just couldn't catch a break and I was very stressed and overwhelmed.  We had just taken a week break from school when I got sick and had to kind of take another break.  One week turned into three and I still felt like I couldn't keep my head above water.  I finally felt like I just needed to get back to our daily routine. 
        The difference was amazing!  The constant battle over everything from chores to bedtime disappeared.  Even when I had a hard day it was easier because I knew what to expect and so did the kids.  I never wanted a schedule, I never wanted to be tied down to a specific set of events each day.  I wanted to be free and do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to.  I see now that a rhythm and routine are so necessary for us.  We thrive when we have a routine. 
        It makes it very clear to me that true freedom does not come from lack of responsibilities or commitments, true freedom comes from knowing what those responsibilities and commitments are so they can be filled.  Keeping the commandments of God does not take away our freedom, it shows us clearly what path we need to walk to have freedom and to thrive in this life.  I'm not lost or confused, I'm also not following blindly.  I WANT to walk this path, I WANT to keep the commandments because I like knowing what to expect, I like feeling safe and I like knowing what I need to do each day.  I find joy in the rhythm of the gospel and the rhythm of my life.