When we took Glen out of school almost two years ago and began home school I told John there was no going back. He told me we had to be prepared to put them back in school, but I wouldn't hear it. I agreed, promised that at the beginning of each year we would re-evaluate. I love homeschooling. It's fun, I love the time we get together, I love learning right along side my kids. I love having them home. It's tiring at times. Sometimes I feel stressed, really stressed, but overall I love it. I wouldn't change it for the world.
At the end of last school year I felt like it was time for Glen to go back part time. I thought they would both enjoy it, really, but Glen needed it. We brought it up in our family council and received such opposition, such tears, and pleadings to stay home that we decided to keep them home again this year. Then a neighbor girl told them how fun public school is. She had stories of recess and cake on your birthday and talking at lunch, that before the end of 10 minutes she had convinced them both that they wanted to go to public school. I thought it would pass. Nope. They insisted. They begged. They tried to convince me. I didn't want it, but I agreed to discuss it in family council and pray about it.
The first time we prayed about home school the answer was fairly obvious. I was planning on letting Glen finish out the year and start the next year when Benjamin would be of an age to enter kindergarten. But half way through the year I had a strong and distinct impression that we were to start immediately. Trial by fire. I jumped headlong into it, clueless as to how to do anything because I thought I had another nine months to do research and make a plan. I did it though. Each month seemed to bring change. Everything I tried led me to something else to try. And then I felt like i hit my groove. I had it figured out. I sat down to create my own curriculum. I worked for months, painstakingly researching, developing, creating book lists or each topic, finding movies to go along with it, not to mention a huge list of crafts and activities for hands on learning. I was stoked, I was ready and SO excited for the school year to start, I was going to start a month early, that's how excited I was. Then on the last day of July, the day before I was set to start school this little bomb exploded and it's changed my world.
They want to go to public school. They want to go away. Why am I having such a hard time coping with this? It's not like I'm sending them to another country. They will be gone for half the day. It's down the street for crying out loud. And yet I feel like I have lost something precious. This is huge for me, and maybe it shouldn't be, but it is. I never let John use the words "growing up" I hate to hear it. They are the most loathed words I can think of. But he said I have to let them grow up. Ug! I don't want to. I don;t want them to grow up away from me, they can grow up here!
*sigh* I tell you, if it wasn't for a spiritual impression that this is what Heavenly Father wants I would stop it. I don't care that it's what they want, they can't have it any more then they can have ice cream for dinner every night like they want. Kids don't know what they want. Can you hear the pouting? I'm trying really hard to hide how distressed I am. I want them to stay excited, at least part of me wants that, the other part is selfish and wants them to stay with me. But I can be a good mom and let them have this amazing learning experience. School really is amazing, and fun, and they will make so many friends. I'll be a better mom for less stress and exhaustion. The girls will get more learning time and who knows, maybe this will be temporary and they will decide to come back. I'll have my curriculum waiting.
