I'm already there

 I remember as a teenager in counseling reading affirmation cards.  I thought they were the lamest thing ever, but some of them have stuck with me through the years.  One of them said "The bad times may outnumber the good, but the good outweighs the bad."
Today as we all sat singing songs to the girls before bed I thought to myself "You cannot have quality time without quantity time."  We were having a quality moment.  Another one happened today when an attempt to wash the mud off of Elizabeth's foot turned into all of the kids running through this mud puddle until they were all soaked and covered in muddy water.  And every single one of them was smiling and laughing about it, I was too.
I get down on myself because of the amount of time I spend sitting at the computer staring blankly at the screen because I am too exhausted to move and I just need a minute to zone out.  I kick myself because I can't decide whether I should do the dishes or read the kids a book and then feel guilty that the dishes win out despite the fact that we really do need to have clean dishes to eat on.  I focus so much on the scraped elbow and tired boy and maybe it was too long of a walk that I fail to remember that we just spent an hour together having fun.  The hassle of getting the kids to come inside for dinner often over shadows the soccer game we just played.
What was it I thought earlier tonight?  "You can't have quality time without quantity time."  The fact that I can list off quite a few times when we spent quality time together tells me that I am doing a good job.  I am doing enough for and with my kids.   Now if I can just remember that.  I am committing to remember.  I am going to stop being so hard on myself and refocus on all the good that I do.  I am going to stop being so busy trying to be a good mom that I forget I already am a good mom.

One year

It has been a little over a year since we moved away from all of our family and friends and set out on a new adventure together.  In that year we have had some of the worst days of our lives and some of the sweetest days as well.  We added a beautiful baby girl to our family, we made new friends, tried new foods, and grew as a family.
I can't believe it has been a year.  Time has just sped by.  It seems like the harder I try to hold on to every moment and enjoy the here and now the faster it goes.  I find that I can't hold on and more then I can hold back.  As I watch my baby, my last baby grow up I want so much to keep her just how she is.  I find myself wanting to push her back down on her bum when she stands up to walk, but I just can't hold her back and end up encouraging her and cheering her on instead.  As it should be.
Over the last year I have learned so much, I cannot even begin to list off everything I have learned.  I have learned to let go of the little things that are unimportant so that I can cherish what is.  I have learned to be less of a stickler about bedtime and cuddle more.  I have learned to hold onto my babies because soon enough they are going to pull away and run off on their own.  I have finally learned to make the mundane divine as I work backstage to keep the house running, the kids happy and fed, and be everyone's personal cheerleader.  I have learned to be less selfish so that I have more of myself to give.  I learned that I didn't move out here to save the world, I moved out her so God could save my world, my family.  I have learned to dance in the rain, figuratively and literally, and I have learned that when storms come the safest thing to do is to hold onto my family for dear life!
Speaking of being less selfish, this post was supposed to be about Abigail.  My baby girl is one today!  Can you believe it?  We have been her for that long.  This girl is my joy!  She is my bonnie blue eyed baby.  I prayed that she would keep her blue eyes since non of the other kids did and it was a tender mercy from the Lord that she did.  She is always smiling and giggling.  Abigail was my "drive across the country having contraction to get to a new place" baby.  :)  Everyone said I would give birth on the way, but she held on and had perfect timing!  It was miracle after miracle the way she got her and when she got here.  Abigail had brought me joy during some seriously dark days as I struggled with depression and anxiety again after moving here, but her smile was like a ray of sunshine.  Every time I saw her smile shining through the darkness I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me he loved me and everything would be ok. She has brought me so much joy and I look forward to sharing many smiles with her.