A new beginning

John will often look at the children and say "S/he has reached a new stage of development, I can see it in her/his eyes."  I feel like I have reached a new stage of development myself. It came on gradually and tonight the light finally turned on.
You see I am finished with parenting books and advice/ demands from the pediatrician.  Don't get me wrong, they have a lot of good to say, I suppose I'm not completely done with them, I am just not allowing them to be the final authority any longer.
For so long I have tried to parent by the book, a lot of books actually.  I have come upon a new method and grasped it, clung to it and the only way to do things.  Potty training has to be done at this age and in this way, feeding schedules, sleep schedules, when, what and how much they eat, chores, discipline...the list is endless.  Parenting advice is plentiful, unending even.
But tonight as I went in yet again to put in a binky to get my littlest to sleep, telling myself it was good for her, it just felt like a hollow excuse, I felt wrong.  Let me add right here that Dr.s and parenting books have tons of good advice and they should not be lightly dismissed, but I know my kids better then any author or Dr. no matter how much experience they have.  I know that Glen went to sleep easily, he hardly ever cried.  Benjamin needed me to stay with him in his room until he fell asleep, Elizabeth would cry for an hour and never stop if I didn't go in and give her a binky and I know that sometimes, but not always Abigail won't sleep unless I am holding her.  I know that she will fight it and scream for about 2 minutes before zonking out in my arms.  I know that even though she is 4 months old she isn't ready for food and despite what the nurse said at her check up I will not be giving her food yet.  I appreciate the dentist telling me how bad a binky is for teeth and yet I will allow Elizabeth to keep it until she feels ready to give it up.  She is emotionally attached to it like neither of the boys were, she is different.
That is the key, the missing piece.  All of those books and articles full of advice have helped me tons, but the problem was that I was trying to apply it to all of the kids.  Now I see that they are different and so need different things.  SO what I am going to do is take all of that advice and pick and choose, based on each individual child, what will help them the best.  I'll add a generous amount of love and attention, and a huge helping of prayer and faith and you know what?  They will turn out ok, even if Elizabeth need braces, even if Glen breaks his other arm because I let him climb trees, Even if I hold Abigail and rock her to sleep, and even if I let Benjamin hide behind me skirts when he is nervous.  This time I have with them is so limited.  I want to cherish it in my way and in theirs without worrying about rigid schedules that make us miss out on chasing fireflies, and the stress that I have found from trying so hard to be like the perfect moms I read about.  I'll never be perfect, I'm going to mess up, but they will still turn out ok, and some day I hope they will look back and see those magical moment I tried to take advantage of and encourage.

Beautiful

This is me.  Hi world!
I'm about to talk about a sensitive subject, so fasten your seat belt.  There are so many articles, opinions, and rules about what we can and cannot say about beauty, especially to young girls, I thought I'd add my two cents.
I'm no great beauty as you can see, I'm quite plain, except for that gorgeous hair, sweet smile, my feet and finger nails, those are awesome.  My husband get mad at me whenever I say I'm plain or anything that could even be construed as putting myself down.  What he doesn't understand is that when I say I'm plain or chubby, or I look bad I'm not putting myself down, I'm making an observation.  I am over weight, it's a fact.  I don't mind though because my kids mean more to me then being skinny.  I got this body bearing my babies and I wouldn't go back to that slim thing I was before I got married...unless I could keep the kids too, that would be cool.  I also don't mind being plain, usually.  I like who I am, I am ok with the way I look.  I have yet to love the way I look, but I'm working on it.  Why do I say this?
In about 3 seconds you will be two cents richer because here it is.  I think beauty boils down to two things.  Comparisons and confidence.  Two C's, two cents, hahaha, that's fun...I like words, but back to what I was saying.  I am beautiful because I am me, not because I am me trying to be her.  I don't compare myself to others and I am comfortable in my own skin.  Think of your idea of a beautiful woman or handsome man and then ask yourself this, if they lack confidence do they feel beautiful?  Nope.  Beauty is on the inside, it is about the way we act, but it's also about the way we feel.
I have two girls so this while beauty thing has been on my mind a lot.  I want them to feel beautiful.  My genes probably won't help them with the worldly side of beauty, but I hope that my smarts can help them.  If I can teach them confidence, if I can teach them to love themselves, and be comfortable in their own skin, then they will be beautiful no matter what they look like.
Think of the most attractive person you know, not the hot movie star, a real person you are attracted to.  I use the word literally, not in the I want to date you way, but the are you drawn tot hem way.  You are attracted to this person, or drawn to them for a reason.  Usually that reason in confidence, it really does make a person more beautiful because they feel beautiful.
Our bodies are beautiful, amazing creation that God has given us.  He asks us to take care of them, but he doesn't compare us or judge our beauty.  There are no beauty pageants in Heaven.  We are divine and because we are His, because we are wonderful and amazing then we are beautiful.  There are as many shades of beauty as there are shades of color, each one different and unique, but still beautiful.

6th love language

Have you heard of the 5 languages of love?  Touch, time, service, gifts, and words of affirmation.  There is this book all about it and how people feel loved because of one or more of these things, but not always from others.  It really opened my eyes to see what others need from me, and therefor has helped improve my relationships.  I highly recommend it.
I think they missed one though.  I think there is a 6th love language.  Food.
I love to cook and bake.  I love to feed people.  I have discovered in the last few months that food is my language of love.  Not the one I hear, the one I speak.  When I offer food to someone I am saying "I love you, I care about you."  When they say no thank you it's like saying "No thank you, I don't want your love."  Ok, logically I know that is NOT what they are saying, but I still feel hurt.  I'ma big girl, I can deal with it, but what about Benjamin?  According to The 5 Languages of Love, you can't find the love language of a child.  I know what Benjamin's in though.
 When he was a baby, around 2, he would eat some food and then hug the closest person.  We learned to deal with sticky fingers or sit somewhere else because he would hug after every bite, I kid you not.  He is the kids that has got to have breakfast before he stops grumping in the morning, the one who totally breaks down when I say he has to miss snack because it's too late.  It might be because of his healthy problems as a baby, he had so many allergies and threw up so much he was basically starving for the first year of his life. I don't know why he is the way he is.  It doesn't really matter.  What matters to me is that other people realize how important it is to him.  The missionaries are often at our house.  He loves them and so he offers them food.  They used to say "No, thank you." until I told them why he gives food.  I said "You have to take it from him, even if it's just one bite, pretend if you have to and then throw it away, but he is saying he loves you and he is heartbroken when you say no."  Now they take the handfuls of pop corn and pretzels, they take his last piece of candy or a cup of juice.  I remember when he turned four he was given a bag of candy for his birthday.  He immediate opened it up and offered it to everyone there, his friends all said no, but he insisted.  He is generous and he says I love you with food.
Ok, I think I may have gone off on a tangent there.  Why am I writing this?  Because all those cookies I made you, the meals I brought, and the cakes I randomly dropped off, were me saying "I love you." the best way I knew how.  Thank you for taking them, thank you, my dear friends for saying "Yes, please," instead of "No, thank you," to my love.  And even though I am too far away to say I love you like that, know that I do still love you, and here is proof...