Back yard camp out

Glen roasted his own hot dog

Benjamin's first taste of marshmallows

This evening Glen was getting bored and looking for something to do So I  asked him to help me with a project outside.  At first I had just planned on having him help me hammer some nails into a board, maybe bring out my drill or something, but then I thought of a camp out.  We brought out the mini grill and filled it with bricketts and wood to get a nice fire going.  We found hot dogs, marshmallows, and gummy bears, yup gummy bears.  I'm basically addicted to the things so I brought some out and roasted them instead of marshmallows.

Glen's 3rd marshmallow? ( He lost count. :)

I roasted gummy bears, YUM!

For a last minute thrown together thing it went off well and was a lot of fun.  We invited to family upstairs, grabbed camp chairs, a tent and sleeping bags, and got a nice fire going.  Some of the marshmallows were pink, but hey, we had some.  After eating our fill of hot dogs and marshmallows (and gummy bears)  we set up the tent and put out the sleeping bags.  Glen was so excited to sleep in his blue sleeping bag with his special blue pillow (Thanks for those mom)  Then we cleaned up and came inside while the older kids were at boy scouts and young women's.  Now the kids are out there sleeping. Well...sort of.  Benjamin had to come in because he kept getting out of the tent to sleep inside then changing his mind.  Glen just came in for a bathroom break and I can still hear talking, but I am sure they will all fall asleep eventually.  I'll be surprised if Glen sleeps out there the whole night, we'll see.

Hot dogs and marshmallows for John and Jacob

The kids are getting the tent ready to sleep in when it gets dark.

I'm not super mom, I'm sleeping in my own bed, but I sure try.  Sometimes I wonder if my kids will look back on their childhood with tons of great memories or if they will remember the time I got mad and yelled, all the times I told them, "Not now I'm not feeling well."  and all the mistakes I made.  At least for tonight I am a great mom, I'd say a super hero, but I think Glen has too much hero worship going on with Josh to remember that I'm even here.  :)  I think the bacon, eggs, and pancakes will help him remember tomorrow morning. =D

Missionary letters

Dear Uncle Walter,

What do you think about me going on a mission?  I don't want to go because it's hard, but God tells me it is good.  I love you always, Uncle Walter.  I miss you and hope you come back soon.  I wish you would come to our house.

I love you,

Dear Glen,
I want you to go on a mission!  It's hard, but so fun, and makes you happier than you can imagine!  You also learn a lot while having fun!  You also learn how to love and feel love from your Heavenly Father so much more!  I don't want to go home yet!  I love this place and this people too much!  My district leader tells me that I am too sincere in my teaching because I really care about these people out here, and want to bring many smiles to their faces. :) You get to show lots of love out here in your own way.  The Lord wants you to go on a mission because it will be better for your life than anything!  I do miss you very much, and maybe I will 'tract' into your house one day in not too long. :)
                      Sincerely your loving uncle,

Uncle Elder Hansen

 Dear Uncle Walter,

I love you.  Thank you.  I want to go on a mission because I love people. And I love you.  It's hard, but good. -Glen

This is what passed between Glen and his Uncle Walter who is on a mission.  Glen told me Sunday he didn't want to go on a mission because it was hard and immediately insisted I right to Uncle Walter to ask him what he thinks about it. I am so grateful that John's brother was so willing and prompt with his response.  I am grateful he is such a loving uncle!  As you can see Glen has changed his mind. I know it's way too early to be thinking about it, but Glen worries about big things and he doesn't stop worrying until he feels they have been resolved.  Now he isn't worrying any more.  I am going to print these letters off and keep them safe so Glen can read them again when he is older.

Peace

Ya know that feeling you get when you know your doing something right?  Something hard, but most definitely right?  I have had that all yesterday and all today.  It's a wonderful feeling of peace and joy.  I love this feeling, I love knowing that I am doing what is right even when it's hard, get to the point, right?  OK.
I have mostly stopped doing Mary Kay.  It's not because it was hard, hard work never stopped me from doing anything, although a good book sure has.  :)  It wasn't about the company or anything.  It just wasn't right any more.  Fore a few months I felt like it was right, and then I started to feel like something wasn't right.  I wouldn't figure it out.  I wasn't having success no matter how hard I tried, I just kept feeling like something was wrong.  I figured it was me, I must have been doing something wrong.  I had so many blessings and tried so hard to figure out what I was doing wrong.  Every day the feeling of wrongness became stronger, I just couldn't stand it.  I told John I didn't want to do Mary Kay any more.  I stayed up late praying, thinking, and reading scriptures, searching for answers.  I can across a saying I have on my fridge it says "There is joy in creating a home where faith can find a firm footing."  How that tormented me.  I couldn't do that.  I was to stressed, I didn't have the time to clean, to teach my kids, I had stopped going to the gym and felt sick all the time, I didn't make healthy meals very often because I didn't have time.  I missed that.  I missed the mundane day after dayness of being a stay at home mom.  I missed washing the same dishes, picking up the same toys, going over the alphabet 3 times to a kid who just isn't getting it.  I missed the time when my biggest worry was finding a new park, a new hike, teaching Glen a new word, helping Benjamin learn to stop hitting.  I missed my cheerful helpful kids, my happy husband.  My mood, my stress, and business had affected them all and I hated it.  I hated seeing what my absence was doing to my family.  I knew what I needed to do, I needed to stop working.  It wasn't like I worked 9-5, but I was gone, I was busy, I was stressed and even when I was home I couldn't just *be* home.  I needed to stop.  I prayed and fasted with John, I spoke with my bishop and we decided that it was right for me to stop.  I feel how right it is.  My kids need me FAR more then they need the little bit of extra money I was bringing in.  They had been passed from one teenager baby sitter to the next, one tv show to the next.  They had heard "I'm busy" so many times and they hated ti, I could tell.  They felt like I had no time for them, and I didn't.  That is gone now, I had realized how important being a stay at home mom is and not just saying I stay at home, but actually being there with my kids, in the moment so I could take the time to teach them and guide them.
I'm not saying Mary Kay is a bad company.  I think Mary Kay Ash truly was inspired by God to start this company and I still want to be a part of it.  I am still going to sell to my customers and family, but I won't be giving facials any more.  I think if I was willing to spend the 15 hours they say it takes to be successful that I would have been, I was VERY successful for a bit, but I am not willing to sacrifice my kids for success, not ever.  No success can make up for failure in the home.  Maybe some day when my kids are all in school for most of the day I will go back to it, but for now I am content to stay home and give them all of the time and attention they need.  I see so clearly how important that is.  If it meas scraping by for the rest of our lives then so be it, at least my kids will feel that they had a mother who loved them and made sacrifices for them ,but did not sacrifice them.