Whirlwind Adventure part 2

Remember when I said I saw the Lord's hand so much the past few weeks?  Here is why.  Everything fell into place EXACTLY, it was all just too perfect.  We fasted on Sunday for John to get a job, he had one by Monday.  The house got packed up super fast and we could leave early, turns out we did leave early.  We found an appartment just before we left, and they would let us in early.  Everything on the way here was just perfect.  Once we got here the miracles did not stop, though.  Part 2 is even more fun to tell.

John's insurance would start after his first day, but here is the catch, it would start on the first day of the first full month after he started.  If he had started on the 1st of April then we wouldn't have had insurance until May, but he was asked to start on the 31st, so we had insurance.  That worked out perfectly.  Next item, find a midwife.  That turned out to be kind of hard because no one could tell me if the midwife I had chosen would be covered under John's insurance.  I worked on this every day from the monday John started until Friday.  John told me ot go either way, but at 11:00 I had figured outt hat she was indeed covered.  Perfect timing. I had taken John to work that day so I loaded the kids in the car and we headed off to my appointment.  I was 38 weeks to the day.  It was about a 30 minuted drive and five minutes from the clinic I figured out I was having contractions, I had been since the night before.  Oh yeah, and they were really close together.  I told the nurse and she sent in my midwife who checked me.  I was dialated to a 4.5 and 80% effaced.  She called hospital security to come pick me up and get me to the hospital, I was in labor! Problem.  I had 3 kids with me and I had the car and no way to get ahold of John because I had dropped our cell whone somehwere on the way.  Great.  So much for everything working out, right?  Acutally it was pretty much perfect.  One of the nurses took charge of the children att he hospital while I got checked in and the clinic nurses were able to get ahold of John just as he fisnished up work to tell him I was in labor and what hosptial I was at.  The night before I jokingly told John I would try to go into labor so he wouldn't have to miss any work.  It was Friday and I was in labor, but still no John.  I was so close to delivery and praying he would make it, but I had no idea how since I had the car and he was 45 minutes away.  It turns out John had made friends witha couple at work.  They gave him a ride to the hospital and also took our kids.  John got there about 1/2 hour before Abigail was born.  Again everything worked out perfectly.  John nailed it on the head when he tole me Thursday that as soon as we got the insurance taken care of the baby would come, and she was here withina  day.
Even when it seemed like things were not working out, how could I be in labor with three kids and no husband, the Lord was watching out for us and linig everything up perfectly.  I have felt and seen His hand in my life daily for a long time, but never have I seen and felt His hand so much as I have the last two weeks.

Babies

YAY! We had a great day today, WAY, way better then the past few days. Last night as I prayed I talked to Heavenly Father and told him how frustrated I felt. I have been trying so hard, and I SO want to be a good mother, but it's really tough. We are all Heavenly Father's children and my children and still His. I know that He has not given up on them, he still loves them and so He will help me to be a good mother. So as I prayed I told Him a what I felt like I had learned, told Him I was going to take this opportunity to learn patience, and could He please help me to have a better day tomorrow.

It started out great, I was short a couple hours of sleep because of a rough night with the boys, but I felt rested and ready for the day. And we did have a good day, I felt patient, we had fun, and Glen did great with the potty training. I came back from a church activity to a baby sitter who told me that he had refused to go tot he bathroom the whole three hours, but he was dry and told me when he needed to go. I was so happy I made a HUGE deal about it, dancing, singing, hugging, kissing, tickling, and I gave him a squirt gun he wanted as a reward.

I know that Heavenly Father loves us. I know that He has a plan for us. I know that we are His children and He will guide us. Think of the person you love the very most in this world. Then think that Heavenly Father loves us all even more. He loves us deeper, purer, and more perfect then we can even imagine. His love is perfect, unending, and REAL! I promise you it is.

So much it hurts

I know now what it feels like to want something so much it hurts.

Benjamin went into nursery for the first time today. It was the first Sunday that I had no baby to hold and my hands felt idle and my arms empty. Over the past few days I have had to hold back tears many times as I think of having another child. I want one so badly. I feel so strongly that there is a child, a little Elizabeth waiting to join our family. I want her so bad sometimes my heart huts with the ache of emptiness.

I feel selfish sometimes, I know there are so many who cannot have children or who have to work so hard for their babies. I feel so blessed for the two that I have and that they came easy. I feel humble. But I still feel incomplete, I know she is waiting to come. But so much has to fall into place before we can have another child. John needs a better job, he needs to finish school, we would need to find another place to live. The list seems so big and so daunting at times I lose faith and become impatient. But two years isn't that long, I just have to keep telling my self that, two years isn't that long.

And so I wait. I wait and I work and I prepare. I am trying to be a better mother. I am learning so much every day. I am making the most of the time I have with my sweet boys and playing hard with them. I do cherish them. So much. And until I get to have you I will wait, yearn, and shed more tears. I will try to be patient for my sweet child. My Elizabeth.