Doing my best

          I'm tired.  Not just any old run of the mill "I stayed up too late" tired.  I'm "chronic illness" tired.  Summer is really hard for me, the heat just zaps my strength and leaves me feeling really sick.  Probably 50% of my summer days, or more, are spent too sick and tired to do much.  Some days I have super mom days.  I get the whole house clean, make fancy home made meals, plan crafts and activities for the kids, spend time reading and playing with them and still have energy left at the end of the day to work out and then relax for an hour before bed. Unfortunately those days are few and far between.

          I'm not trying to complain, this is background (the Hansens strike again. Stay tuned for a little more background.)  For some odd reason, I love to read parenting magazines and articles, they inspire me and give me great ideas as I work each day to become a better mother, but sometimes there is that one that leaves me feeling guilty.  We all know the one, it's the "Cherish EVERY moment because your kids grow up so fast" article that can be found in every language and from every point of view.  I don't disagree with it.  Kids do grow up all too fast and I try to be there with my kids, not just next to them, as they learn and grow and explore, but I can't do it every day, I can't do it most days.  When I am having a bad day, too tired and sick to do much, and impatient to boot, there is less cherishing and more TV, they get banished to the basement to play instead of cuddling on the couch to read.  The constant kazoo playing grates on my nerves and I have to force the smile when she asks if I like her song.  I don't want to wrestle, I don't even want to hug.  I just hurt and I want everyone to go away so I can sleep it off.  But I'm a mom, so I can't banish them permanently, they come back from the dungeon for food before I banish them again with permission for yet another episode. I love you Netflix.  Those days it is hard to cherish every moment, I count it a success if I can make it through the day without yelling every moment.  And they are down there in the basement watching another episode of who knows what non-educational show and I am up on the couch feeling guilty because I'm obviously not cherishing EVERY SINGLE moment while in survival mode.  Here is the thing though, I still love those articles.  I still love the reminder to cherish every moment, even though I can't, I'm not sure any mom can, but I do believe that we all do our best.  We love our kids and we all do our best to teach them, spend time with them, and show them that we love them forever and always.  So I'm trying to stop feeling guilty about the bad days because my best on bad days, while not as good as my best on super mom days, is still my best.