I believe in Santa

 

I don't believe in the Easter bunny.  I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy.  I don't believe in witches at Halloween or Leprachauns on St. Patrick's day.  But I believe in Santa.  I will believe in Santa until the day I die.

You see, when I was little I met him.  It was back when I was sarting to question whether or not Santa was real, back when we didn't have a whole lot of money and there were often rumors that there would be no Christmas that year.  I didn't understand.  Why did it matter how much money we had? Didn't Santa bring toys to good girls and boys?

Every year there were gifts though.  Every year there was food, food we didn't usually have, food Santa brought.  Then I met him.  I remember exactly what he looked like. His long snowy beard.  His cheerful smile.  Levi's and cowboy boots.  He said the red suit was just for Christmas eve. 

 Ten years later I was away from home at school.  I had been working and saving all year to earn enough money to buy some really nice Christmas presents for my family.  I was so excited!  I could just see the looks on their faces as they opened nice, expensive gifts.  Then one day my mom called and told me about a family who's house had burned down.  They didn't have anything, they were staying with family.  She wanted to buy them something.  All of a sudden my Christmas plans changed.  I told her I had saved all year to buy gifts for the family, I had saved hundreds of dollars and I wanted to use it for this family.  We bought them all toys, clothes, and a box of food.  We wrapped everything to deliver Christams Eve. That night we snuck up to the house they were staying in, put the boxes in their driveway and hurried away to a secret hiding place to watch.  I watched a boy open the door and look around, spot the boxes and call his family.  I watched the kids jump up and down with joy and excitement.  I watched the parents hug each other with relief.  I had become Santa.

Years later when we lived in Indiana we went to the temple monthly.  It was a big sacrifice for us, living paycheck to paycheck as we did.  That month John said we wouldn't be able to buy groceries that week if we went to the temple.  We decided to go anyway.  The morning we were to leave we found a box of food and wrapped Christmas gifts on the porch.  Santa had paid us a visit.

We don't make a big halabaloo about Santa around here, because that isn't how Santa works.  In the stories he comes in the night, when everyone is asleep.  Santa works anonymously.  Secerts acts of service.  Gifts left on the porch.  Boxes of food.  A Christmas Jar with money inside. Santa is real because I am Santa.  You are Santa.  I will believe in Santa until the day I die.  I will be Santa until the day I die.

Faith Not to be Healed

 When I first read Elder Bednar's talk "Accepting the Lord's Will and Timing" I thought about myself.  I've had faith to be healed, but did I have faith not to be healed.  Could I go thorugh my life with the physical and mental difficulties I have without being healed and still have faith?  Fast forward quite a few years to this week and a new prayer for healing.

I found out last week one of my best friend had Covid-19.  I dropped off groceries Saturday and stood at the end of her driveway to chat for a few minutes.  I wasn't worried.  Until the next day.  I found out she was in the hospital and then I worried.  As she got worse I worried more.  No, worried isn't the right word.  I was scared, REALLY scared.  We fasted for her and we prayed for her.  As the days wore on and she got worse and worse my prayers became ever more fervent.  But they were not prayes of faith, they were desprate "You have to heal her.  You can't take my best friend.  What will I do without her?  You have to heal her!"  It came to the point where I kind of felt like my faith was being tested and I had to ask myself where my faith was centered.  Was my faith centered in healing or in Christ? Did I really trust God, or did I only trust Him when life was going well?  Would I still trust Him if... 

I really examined myself.  I was so full of fear and anxiety over the future and I wasn't feeling any peace when I prayed.  That scared me.  So I asked myself, "Do you trust the Lord no matter the outcome?"  I realized that I did.  Since then I have felt more peace.  My prayers have been less frantic and more meaningful.  I'm happy to report that my friend is improving.  I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful for the peace I feel when I put my trust in my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

Agency

     Agency. Agency is such a fundamental part of the Lord's plan for us that he cast Satan and his followers from heaven for trying to destroy our agency. Can you imagine the heartache that it must have caused our Father to cast 1/3 of his children from his presence, knowing that  they would never reach their full potential? They wouldn't receive bodies, they wouldn't have the opportunity to come to Earth, and they would never reach eternal life or exaltation because they chose to follow Satan. 

     Agency is such a fundamental part of the plan and of our very being that we rebel at being forced to do anything. Children and adults alike.

     I have wanted for many years to do natural learning, we started our homeschool that way but got away from it because of fear. I was afraid that if I didn't tell them what to learn and when to learn and how to learn that they wouldn't learn. I forgot about agency. I forgot about the Lord's divine plan for just a moment. When I decided to go back to Natural learning it scared me. It scared me because I knew that some of them hated math, it scared me because I knew that some of them hated reading, it scared me because I envisioned it this way; as soon as I stopped telling them what and when to learn they would stop altogether. Learning would completely end. But this is what really happened. When I stopped telling them that they had to read, they kept reading. They found books that they loved and topics that they were passionate about and they wanted to read. I stopped having science on the schedule and Glen checked out 20 books about birds and threw himself into researching Raptors and how to identify them and what they eat and where they live and what their environment is. He even spent his vacation spending money on a bird book. I stopped forcing them to do math everyday and instead they asked me if they could do math. Benjamin decided he was going to memorize all of his math facts on his own.  They don't always learn the things that I want them to learn or that I think they should learn, but every day they have something they want to do, something they want to learn and research and work on. 

     I have seen the same process at work in chores. I have tried countless ways of trying to get my kids to do chores. We tried various charts, and we've tried reward systems, and we've tried consequences, we've tried no dinner until your chores are done and no friends until your chores are done and so many other things I can't even count them and nothing worked for very long. But when I sat down with them and I said "we need to find a solution to the housework problem, what can we do?" They came up with ideas, their ideas, not mine! And they are so willing to fulfill their responsibilities because it was their idea, it was their desire and not mine. When they grew frustrated with the amount of housework that they took on I asked them if they wanted to trade and they said no they prefer their way, they prefer their ideas. And I didn't step in, I've learned to get out of their way and let them make choices. And what I've seen is that when I give them assignments, when I tell them what to do, they don't want to do it, but when I say "here's what we need to do today how should we work this out?" they divide jobs amongst themselves on their own and they do it. Even my grumpiest child, the one who is the hardest to get to do anything is the most willing to do it, my most distracted child  gets done the quickest and with  more focus. The younger girls are learning to follow the lead of their brothers and to work together as a team.  The housework is not done perfectly, but I gets done well. They don't vacuum every time, or follow my checklist, but they really do a very good job. 

     During the training for the new youth program for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I was struck again and again how much like natural learning it is. Instead of the youth being told what they should read and what they should study and what goals they should make they are given the choice. They are asked to pray and to seek personal revelation so that they will know what goals they can make to become more like the savior. I know that this will help them draw closer to Heavenly Father. I know that this will teach them to recognize the spirit in their life and to recognize personal revelation. I know that my children will be more willing to do it because they are doing it on their own. They will be following their passions and their talents and seeking the Lord in their way instead of in my way.  

      It struck me in the training session when the prophet said "Resist the urge to take control, they will do better when they do it on their own." It struck me because I've seen that and it felt like he was talking to me, telling me again to stop taking control, to step back and let them lead.  Agency is a beautiful thing.  When we can step back and resist the urge to take control we will see that children take control of their own lives and they make a good show of it!