Magic

Last night the boys begged to sleep by the Christmas tree.  There is just something so magical about a tree all lit up.  So well all layed down in the living room looking at the lights and waiting for sleep to come.  It wasn't coming for any of us.  Something was missing.  Glen asked me to put on Christmas carols, so I turned some on and we all fell asleep looking at the Christmas lights, thinking of Santa, and listing to Christmas Carols.  The only thing missing was daddy.

Portal cake

Happy birthday Jacob!  This is half of his portal cake.  When I showed it to him I told him the candle sings "I'm still alive" and he asked if I was serious to which I replied, "No, it's a lie."  And that my friends are all of the portal references I will use for now.
The cake, the glowing portal, even the song are all from the game Portal.  It's pretty fun if you like puzzles, or infinite high fives, and stealing your friends robot head to use as a ball.  Ok, that was the last one, just for my husband, I promise.
Making this cake kept me pretty cheerful all day.  In the morning my baking buddy Benjamin helped me bake it and then I decorated it after the kids were all home and entertaining the baby.  :)
Since I promised not to use any more Portal references that you might now understand I have to stop writing because I can't stop making references, and I did, after all make a promise.  A promise which conveniently enough I could just delete.  Ah well, what more is there to say?  I did make Jacob hunt down the other half, just for fun.

Gone

John is gone.  He has been for almost a week now.  He is in Virginia training with a company who wants to hire him.  I have to say it's been tough, but doable.  Some days I have been just fine, and some days have been truly hard, but one thing amazes me above all.  I have discovered that he makes everything better.  Talking to him for just a few minutes can make the hardest day bearable, happy even.  He lights up my darkest days like I never imagined.  Just hearing his voice makes me want to laugh again, and get him laughing too.
It sounds silly to me when I say it.  It seems to me that after being married for over 6 years I would have figured out that he brings me so much light and so much joy, but having him gone has made it all so clear.  We have never been apart for more then a few days, so this is big.  10 weeks without him, it's HUG!
That saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." has been running through my head.  I never wanted to test it out, I always wanted to be with him and grow fonder of each other together.   I guess I took advantage of him.  He is such an active and attentive father and husband.  He did the dishes almost every day, often he would start a load of laundry and take out the garbage.  He was so involved with the kids, he was often reading to them, wrestling with them, and Elizabeth just adores him in every way.  Now that he is gone, we feel it keenly.  Now the house work all falls on me, except for the few chores I can get the kids to do.  He left some mighty big shoes to fill.  I am determined to fill them, but only until he gets back.  I am determined to not worry or stress him so that he can focus on what he has to do.  When I am determined, nothing will stop me.
One thing that has made my day each day is when he calls.  I love to talk to him, even if it's just for a few minutes, but there is something else, something so adorable I want to squeal.  As soon as he calls Elizabeth knows. I don't know how she knows, but she does.  She immediately crawls over to me and tries to grab the phone.  I say she is only a mama's girl right now because daddy is gone.  So when I put the phone to her ear she gets the biggest grin and starts to laugh and babble.  She only does it with John though.  If I give her the phone with grandma she will look at it and try to push the buttons or eat it.  She knows his voice and she just lights up.  John has that influence on us.  :)
I don't know if this has made any sense to any one or if it's just an opportunity to get my thoughts and feelings out, but there it is.
Tomorrow I will make a far more entertaining post about the cake I am making today.