Today is the day!

Today is the day I make my choice. I get to choose, and I choose not to live by fear.

I have an anxiety disorder. I have worked really hard to overcome it, to not let it rule my life. I have come far. I used to have so many anxiety attacks that I could hardly go anywhere or do anything without panicking and starting to hyperventilate. I have to say the singles ward helped me immensely. I wanted to have friends and do fun stuff with them so I had to get over it. And can you just see me on a first date with a really cute guy and I start to panic and he doesn't know what to do? A second dates not happening, right? It took a lot of work, but I got to the point where people thought I was just shy. Shy I could deal with and so could other people.

The thing about having a panic attack in public was that I was so embarrassed I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever, but I think it scares other people more then it scares me. It has probably been years since I have had a full blown anxiety attack, but I had one last night. I wont say what caused it, I'm not even sure I really know. What I do know is the stupidest reason in the world. We had a friend over, we were playing games, and again I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever.

I know that Satan has tools that he uses to try and control us. He uses fear against me, it is one of my greatest weaknesses. But today I choose not to let him use fear against me any more. "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear." I know I will always feel fear, I will always feel afraid, I have come to deal with that fact. But I also realize that there are things more important then fear. I choose to see what is more important and focus on that. We get what we focus on consistently.

Today I choose to live by faith, not fear.

Hope of the Resurrection

Sunday a person in my mother in law's ward died, I read about deaths on the news, and today I found out someone in my ward with cancer does not have long to live. Add that to my general sense of depression and I am feeling pretty down.

I took my boys on a walk today and as I saw the beautiful weather and felt the warm sun I started to dance and feel happy again. Then I stopped my self with the thought "How can I be happy when there are so many suffering." I had to stop that thought from depressing me further. I need to enjoy the sun, the beautiful sky, and my sweet boys and wonderful family. There will always be suffering somewhere in the world, but getting depressed over it will not do a lick of good.

Instead I am trying to focus on hope. Specifically the hope of resurrection. I am trying to remember that because Christ died and rose again we too can be with those we love.

I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. I know that he lived for us, and that he died for us. I know that on the third day he rose again. He can heal our broken hearts and help us be whole again. He loves us more then we could ever know. I know that in our darkest hour, in the times when we cannot continue on our own He is there to carry us. He lives!

Helping Families

http://tippingbucket.org/

You can go to this website to donate. Just a dollar makes a difference, but if you can give more then please do. Families are so important, please use this opportunity to help families.

" A dollar is important when it comes to this fundraiser. We hope that students and young professionals will be able to spare $1-5 for the cause and that those in a more stable position might contribute a little more. We want many people to donate small amounts rather than few people to donate large amounts. That is why it's so important to spread the word...tell all your friends."

Spread the word on your blog, twitter, Facebook, everywhere!