Gifts of the heart

   Before I get started I wanted to tell you about the storm last night. There was the most amazing storm last night! I was woken up about midnight,  I'd been dreaming about thunder and lightening, when a knock on my door brought in Glen.  Abigail was crying and he brought her up to me.  After helping her I just sat on the couch and enjoyed the thunder and lightening for awhile.  There was so much lightening it was like a strobe lights, some flashes were so bright they lit up the whole room. The thunder was loud and long and a few of them felt like they shook the house.  We had storms like that all the time in Indiana and I have missed them so much here.  It lasted a good half hour and even after laying in bed I just stayed awake enjoying it.  What a gift.
Gifts.  Gifts have been on my thoughts a lot lately.  These flowers were a gift from a sweet little girl who think they are the greatest treasure in the world.  Abigail is very tender hearted and loves to show love for others by giving them gifts of dandelions, pine cones, her last candy, or a bite of her food.  When she gives me a handful of dandelions I know that she is giving me the best of what she has and she gives them with so much love.  They become treasures to me because of the love with which they are given.
     Abigail also loves to take flowers to other people.  Every day she asks to take flowers to one neighbor or another.  You might think I should discourage her from giving dandelions and pine cones to the lady down the street, but I never do.  She will meet with enough discouragement in life and develop inhibitions soon enough, I won't have any part in it.  The neighbors accept her little gifts with as much gratitude and love as I do.  I love that so much. 
     When do we start to think that what we have to give aren't good enough?  When do little flowers stop being good enough. Why does the time we have to give to listen or help become too little.  Why does a gift given have to be big and grand or cost a lot of money.  As adults we try to teach our kids that gifts can be small and inexpensive, that it's the thought that counts, but we don;t seem to believe that ourselves.   Do we still make home made gifts?  Do we still think "Oh they will love it because I made it" Maybe you do, but I have this idea so strongly in my head that it has to be big and expensive and amazing or they won't appreciate it.  I still cringe a little thinking of the picture I drew for a friends wedding shower.  It wasn't  a childish doodle, it was good, some of my best work, but still I thought it wasn't good enough.  Even after she told me how much she loved it part of me didn't believe her.  I should have bought something.
     Even though I have a hard time believing it, I hope I can teach my kids that what they have to give is good enough. After all, even the widows mites were accepted of the Lord.

Enduring

     It's one of those days.  One of the hard ones.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  I have worked hard to develop an optimistic outlook in life.  Maybe it's because I hate being sad, or maybe it's because I feel like I can't function as well when I am feeling down.  Sometimes I really struggle with depression, winter is really tough.  Sometimes I have a hard time seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's not winter.  The sun is shining and life is exciting.  Not really, I'm just trying to be optimistic.  :D
      I had a horrible nightmare about hornets flying into my dress and stinging me on the back.  Last week I was stung 5 times in one day when a hornet got into my hair and again a week later when it flew into my scarf  before my husband took out the nest of yellow jackets near my garden.  I've developed a bit of a phobia now.  I kind of freak out when anything near me flies, especially if it is yellow.  By kind of freak out I mean screaming and crying.  I'm too scared to go out into my garden for hours a day like I was a few weeks ago.  I'm kind of afraid to even go outside which could be leading to this little bout of blue devils.
     On days like this I feel so weighed down, my mind is heavy.  I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep all day, or maybe cry.  I don't want to get up and make meals for my kids, help the little girls get dressed, clean, or play games.  School is the furthest thing from my mind.  But I have to function, it's what moms do, isn't it?  I get up, I get dressed.  I have made two meals today, sweet Benjamin is making dinner.  I've played games, read books, helped with math, science and reading.  I took Glen to the library and had the presence of mind, despite a headache, to find books for the other kids.  I have done my chores, helped the other kids with theirs, given a piano lesson,  had a little quiet time to finish the autobiography I have been reading, and I got another batch of food from my garden freeze drying.
     It is so much harder to function on blue days, but I have learned to tell myself to hang on.  I know this won't last forever.  Emotionally I can't see an end, but I have learned to use logic to help me through.  I can't say I am enduring joyfully, but I am trying. I have not given in to the urge to just sit down and cry, instead I have taken up yet another picture book to read to my insatiable book worms.  I didn't give in to the urge to let them watch TV all day so I can just sleep away the clouds, instead I have sat down to help with school work.  I'm not always good at functioning well, but it helps to remember that this won't last forever.  Tomorrow will be a little brighter, but if not, then God will help me through the next cloudy day and I will try to dance in the rain.

My favorite days

     I love going out an playing.  Spending the day at the lake, or swimming in the ponds.  Camping is so fun and hiking or exploring the mountains  is one of my favorite things to do.  Trips to aquariums, museums, and historical places excited my love of learning.  There are so many places I enjoy being, but nothing can compare to my favorite place.  I love being home.  I love days like today when there are no play dates, no games to rush off to, no trips planned and no expected visitors.  As much as I enjoy going out, I also need days where I stay in and just enjoy my family.  These days when we all sleep in and then wake up to play have a special place for me.  They are relaxing and fun.  They give us an opportunity to spend time together and play.

     What do these days look like?  I'm tempted to invite a friend over or send the kids out to play.  I'm tempted to put on a movie, but I won't.  I want to listen to them play.  I want to enjoy the game they have made up.  I want to sit and read.  The girls might help me preserve the food we have.  We will weed and pull out board games.  It might sound kind of boring, but these really are my favorite days.  I feel like these days allow us to be who we really are.