You are enough

 Last week I had a wonderful spiritual experience. I was worried, yet again, that I was not doing well enough teaching my children.  I was worried they weren't earning enough, they weren't moving fast enough, they didn't dig deep enough, their handwriting, spelling...you get the picture.  I feel inadequate so often, and when it just concerns me I can usually ignore it, but what if I'm totally messing up my kids!?  I was really stressing out about it so I knelt down to say a prayer and ask Heavenly Father what more I should be doing to prepare them well for their role as husband and father, and to fulfill their mission on Earth.  Instead of a laundry list of all the subjects I need to teach and all the areas I need to improve I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of peace!  Even before I finished asking my question I felt wrapped in His loving embrace.  Through a mixture of feelings, images, and something I can't quite describe I got this message.

Joseph Smith was considered uneducated, he only had a few years of formal schooling, yet he went on to change the world.  He continued his own education and even started a school, called the school of the prophets, where they learned politics, world events, science, languages, history, geography, and so many other things alongside scriptural learning and learning more about the priesthood.  

The Lord told me that Joseph's most important education was given to him by his mother, who taught him to love God and to follow Him.  He told me that the most important

 education I can give my kids is to know God.  If they know God all else will fall into place. I am doing everything I need to to do prepare them to fulfill their mission in life and to prepare them to lead, support, and protect their future families. They will continue learning all their life.

    I was so overcome with peace I was moved to tears.  I have never in my life felt so powerfully the Lord's love and acceptance of me.  Writing it all down does not, cannot, do justice to this powerful sacred experience. I hesitated to share it at first, but I know I am not the only one who feels inadequate and I'm not the only one who feels like I am not doing well enough homeschooling my kids.  I pray that my experience can help to bring peace to someone else who needs to feel peace.

I'm choosing faith over fear

 

I've had something on my mind for months.  It's deep and this is the place for my deep thoughts.  I'm not quite sure where to begin...  I guess the beginning would be about 9 years ago.

I took my kids to get a flu shot, Glen was 4 and Benjamin was 3, I was pregnant at the time.  By the time we got home from the clinic Benjamin was screaming, "He must be tired, it's nap time."  I got him out of the car and he wouldn't walk.  He wouldn't even put pressure on his legs so I carried him inside.  When we got in I checked his leg and it was swollen, red, hot, and so very sore.  We rushed back to the Dr.  When I told them what was going on this was the response "Oh, he's allergic to eggs?  Ok, that can happen."  Wait, there's eggs in a flu shot?  I looked up what else in in the flu shot.  Cow protein, another allergy, milk protein, another HUGE allergy, the list went on, each ingredient more horrifying then the next.  He was allergic to so many of them and some were just plain poison!  Why was there mercury in it!?  Long story short, I stopped getting the flu shot for anyone in my family.  I never wanted that to happen again.  The more I researched the more convinced I was that vaccines were not safe, so we stopped getting them all together.  Years later I found out that I have a family history of adverse reactions, some genetic marker, that makes them more dangerous for us then for most people.  Definitely not getting any more vaccines.

And then March 2020.  Covid.  Everything shut down.  People were afraid to leave their houses.  Two people in my family have respiratory issues, that makes it even scarier for us so we were careful, but I refuse to live in a bubble.  When the vaccine was announced I had no intention of getting it.  It's a vaccine and they are dangerous for my family. "But this one is different."  It doesn't matter.  I'm not doing it. I didn't even entertain the thought...until the Prophet asked us to get vaccinated and wear a mask.  It's been on my mind for months.  Now that everyone in my family can get one...I'm not sure I can put into words the internal struggle I have had.  The inner turmoil of this decision, it's been one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make.  The fear, what if...We've all heard the stories.  "It will make you sterile."  "Think of the people that died."  "It protects you the first time you get sick, but the second time you will die."  "The government is trying to figure out who they can control, this is a test to see who will obey so they know who will die when they make a more deadly virus and release it."  Maybe you haven't heard all that, but I have.  The truth is that even if non of that is true, this is still so new, there could be so many unintended consequences.  Am I willing to risk my family for an experiment?  I have spent months and months pouring my heart and my fears out to God, asking for direction.  That's what the prophet asked, he said to council with your doctor and pray about it.  So I did.  Again and again.  But when it really came down to it I had to make the choice.  Faith or fear?

I know God loves me, He KNOWS ME, down to every strand of DNA.  He knows me now and he knows future me. I know that the prophet speaks the word of God. I don't believe for a minute that he asked us to vaccinate and mask up because he's listening to the government.  I don't believe for a fraction of a second that he is part of the new world order.  I don't believe God would ask his children, through his prophet, to get vaccinated if it would hurt, sterilize, or kill us.  I don't believe he would ask us to wear masks if they hurt us or didn't work.  But he is.  The prophet of God is asking us to get vaccinated against covid, he is asking us to wear masks. No it's not a commandment.  He didn't say "Thus saith God, ye must repent and also get vaccinated and wear a mask."  You can call it a suggestion, but a suggestion from God?  I'll follow that.
I choose to have faith. I choose to ignore my fears.  I choose to listen to the prophet of God over the voice of the world and the voice of facebook.  I will listen to the prophet over my own thoughts and ideas because "personal revelation" doesn't always come from the right source.  I've been led astray, following what I thought was personal revelation, only to find out it was the wrong voice I listened to.  Sometimes it's hard to hear what God is saying because I've already decided what I want Him to say.  But I know the prophet will never lead me astray.  I know I can trust him.  I know I can trust God and he speaks the words of God.

I have surrendered my will to God. It's not a failure, it's a victory!  A glorious victory!

I believe in Santa

 

I don't believe in the Easter bunny.  I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy.  I don't believe in witches at Halloween or Leprachauns on St. Patrick's day.  But I believe in Santa.  I will believe in Santa until the day I die.

You see, when I was little I met him.  It was back when I was sarting to question whether or not Santa was real, back when we didn't have a whole lot of money and there were often rumors that there would be no Christmas that year.  I didn't understand.  Why did it matter how much money we had? Didn't Santa bring toys to good girls and boys?

Every year there were gifts though.  Every year there was food, food we didn't usually have, food Santa brought.  Then I met him.  I remember exactly what he looked like. His long snowy beard.  His cheerful smile.  Levi's and cowboy boots.  He said the red suit was just for Christmas eve. 

 Ten years later I was away from home at school.  I had been working and saving all year to earn enough money to buy some really nice Christmas presents for my family.  I was so excited!  I could just see the looks on their faces as they opened nice, expensive gifts.  Then one day my mom called and told me about a family who's house had burned down.  They didn't have anything, they were staying with family.  She wanted to buy them something.  All of a sudden my Christmas plans changed.  I told her I had saved all year to buy gifts for the family, I had saved hundreds of dollars and I wanted to use it for this family.  We bought them all toys, clothes, and a box of food.  We wrapped everything to deliver Christams Eve. That night we snuck up to the house they were staying in, put the boxes in their driveway and hurried away to a secret hiding place to watch.  I watched a boy open the door and look around, spot the boxes and call his family.  I watched the kids jump up and down with joy and excitement.  I watched the parents hug each other with relief.  I had become Santa.

Years later when we lived in Indiana we went to the temple monthly.  It was a big sacrifice for us, living paycheck to paycheck as we did.  That month John said we wouldn't be able to buy groceries that week if we went to the temple.  We decided to go anyway.  The morning we were to leave we found a box of food and wrapped Christmas gifts on the porch.  Santa had paid us a visit.

We don't make a big halabaloo about Santa around here, because that isn't how Santa works.  In the stories he comes in the night, when everyone is asleep.  Santa works anonymously.  Secerts acts of service.  Gifts left on the porch.  Boxes of food.  A Christmas Jar with money inside. Santa is real because I am Santa.  You are Santa.  I will believe in Santa until the day I die.  I will be Santa until the day I die.